Essex Hash House Harriers

Transcription

1 Essex Hash House Harriers Seasonal Issue 3 from The Master & Mistress: April-Sept 2017 At last the return of The Mistress as Editor of The Trash, with secret accom- plice The Master... STOP PRESS R.A LOSES TRAIL BUT WINS LONDON MARATHON 2:05:40 THE LONDON MARATHON FINISH 1 FULL DETAILS SEE PAGES 2, 16 & 17

2 R.A WINS LONDON MARATHON So all the excuses to miss Hashes, to go for a r*n to buy a new pair of r*nning shoes...to avoid the shaggy - and to be tired all day [and night ] have now been proved to be fictitious. Our noble R.A Dave Esdaile won the London Marathon [well, almost ] CONGRATULATIONS SLUDGE ON COMPLETING THE LONDON MARATHON 2017! FROM ALL OF US AT EH3! Support him at: On on, on on, on on JUST THE ONE It only takes one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can t remember whether it s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. Q: What does the word benign mean? Benign is what you will be after you be eight. HOLDING HANDS They say that when a man holds a woman s hand before marriage it is a sign of affection, whilst when he does so after marriage it is in selfdefence. MISMANAGEMENT COMMITTEE Next meeting will be at The Prince of Wales, Stow Maries at 8.00 p.m. on WEDNESDAY 7 JUNE All welcome [and the beer s good too ] Essex Hash House Harriers Present: An Away Weekend in Milford-on-Sea, Hanmpshire Friday night 'pay as you go' pub crawl in the beautiful coastal village of Milford-on-Sea. Hash buffet (included). Saturday Delightful trail set by Omo and Tinkerbell. Lunch included. Walkers able to amble along and meet the runners at the pub. 3 Course dinner at the hotel followed by dancing, merrymaking and beer until midnight. Sunday Joint trail with Hursley H3. On Inn at Hotel bar, down downs and farewells followed by optional Sunday Lunch: Special Accommodation Rate based on 2 night stay: per room / night B&B, based on 1 or 2 people sharing a twin/double room. 50 fee / person to Hash Cash (2 buffet meals, Saturday dinner, taxi, tips, down downs) 2

3 You may have noticed several Hashers sporting bespoke clothing over the last few weeks. Look what those nasty Hashers have done to poor BCSP s car. We ll have to rename him Barbie Car Small Prick now. Whilst there is an old catalogue to browse, our local provider can obtain most major sports clothing brands such as; All We Do, Fruits of the loom and Front Row so you can also search on line if there is something specific you are looking for and I will get you a price. Names can be added to the garment at no extra cost. Summer will be here before you know it and Haberdash has baseball caps in stock at 6.95 each, as well as footprint buttons in an array of colours, only 15p each. For more info contact Sooty at sootyeh3@talktalk.net Information from Windsock & Tops: May 17 Cambridge 2017 th Run C2H3.co.uk Cambridge Youth Hostel Bank Holiday w/e Excellent venue 7-9 Jul 17 Eurohash 2017 Vienna viennahash.org Over 400 registered already Aug 17 Interscandi Aarhus 2017 interscandi2017.dk/ In forest near Aarhus, Denmark Limited to Aug 17 UK Nash Hash Ancient Britons Hash House Harriers Uknashhash2017.co.uk The premier event of Back to Norfolk for another superb long weekend May 18 InterHash Fiji 2018 interhashfiji2018.com Sheraton Fiji Resort, Nadi, Denarau Island Makes a change not to be in Indonesia! 3

4 R*n Report: Frog & Zipper's Hadleigh Castle Bash [1703] - 20 February 2017 Well, it's been a while since my last report so I thought I would do one now, only a short one but a report just the same. This time it didn't start in the car park, it actually started in the car! Corpse Shagger (Corpse), Tena Lady (Tena), Yogi and I had gone about 500 yards down the road when Corpse suddenly wondered if we were heading for the right pub. We were heading for the Benfleet Tavern but he had a sneaky feeling it might be the Castle in Hadleigh. We turned the car round and went back home to check (honestly, if senior moments were money he would be a millionaire by now). The correct pub sorted out, we were finally on our way only to get stuck in a massive traffic jam while approaching Saddler's Farm roundabout. Corpse had a plan! He got onto the A130 & A127 and we arrived at the Castle pub relieved and in plenty of time. The next incident did happen in the car park. Lunchbox and Heapo had different times on their watches so we weren't sure if it was the correct assembly time or not. When we did eventually assemble the excuse was that one of them had digital time on their watch and the other had analogue! I hadn't got a clue what all the laughing and piss taking was all about 'cos I'm only a simple dog. All I wanted was to get going. We were off, hurrah! A most enjoyable run through the streets of Benfleet, with a couple of checks to sus out. At one point Corpse and I were going round a corner and Corpse shouted On-On only to realise too late that just across the road was a check with half the pack and the knitting circle standing there! (Corpse is not the most observant hasher I've ever known, but really ). About 30 seconds later Vicky Vomit (Vicky) came running back asking which direction the On-On call had come from. This particular sin earned Corpse a down-down. Soon we were off again. After a few hundred yards we came to a gate into the woods where it was very dark. Fortunately I could see the torches up ahead so on I went as fast as corpse would let me, (which was not that fast if I may say so, but don`t tell him I said that, hey!). Soon we came to a check and it wasn't long before we heard shouts of On-On and headed towards them. Then a very strange thing happened! Frog, the Hare, turned off the path and went a different way! About half a dozen hashers (including Corpse, naturally) followed him thinking the hashers calling the On-Ons were following a false trail. When we realised it was us following the false trail a few guffaws, and a few choice words wafted in Frogs direction, were uttered then we turned towards the On-On shouts and found the right trail. We came to a stream running through the woods and then the fun started. We had to cross the stream and as it wasn't too deep or wide so I decided to have a drink. Corpse stepped into the middle of the stream to let me. Naturally he took full advantage of the situation and decided to splash the next hasher who came along. The poor victim was Mistress. She got soaked. (Hash craft you know)! On we went, Mistress squelching in her soggy shoes, and once again came to a stream only this time the banks were a bit steep so Vicky offered to take my lead so Corpse could get down easier. Poor old Corpse still couldn't get down the bank so he just jumped into the water splashing me and a few other hashers! (I love these shenanigans). 4

5 On we went to the beer stop where Corpse gave me a clean drink of water, not as tasty as the stream but still, very welcome. Then the hashers started off down the road but when I tried to follow Corpse held me back for some reason. I let him know in no uncertain terms I was not happy. My protests were so loud I think the whole of Hadleigh heard me and many curtains twitched, (well he shouldn't have held me back should he?). Eventually he got going and we were running back to the pub. Yogi, who was on his virgin run and went with the knitters, was laying down in the pub absolutely shattered, (these youngsters just don't have the stamina us oldies do)! After the food was eaten and the down-downs drunk we all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. Corpse and Tena stayed in the pub to watch the football, Arsenal and some other lot were playing By now I was shattered as well so Yogi and I crashed until the game ended. I was still knackered so couldn't be bothered to find out who won. Corpse was in a good mood so I suppose Arsenal did. A great hash (we come to expect nothing less from these two Hares), and lots of fun. I really look forward to the next one ON ON St. Fu (aka Hash News Hound aka Bella.) EATING FOR FREE An Englishman says to his friend, a Scotsman, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants. I go in at well past 9 o clock in the evening, eat several courses very slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Then, come 12.30am, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep on sitting there until eventually a waiter ambles up and asks me to settle up. Then I say, But I ve already paid your colleague who just left. The Scotsman is impressed and says, Let s give it a try together this evening. So the Scotsman books them into a nice restaurant and come 12.30am they are both still quietly sitting there after a very good meal. And, sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to settle their bill. The Englishman says But we ve already paid your colleague who just left. And the Scotsman adds, And we re still waiting for the change. So what s this all about then girls?... CONGRATULATIONS SOOTY! 5

6 What's wrong with 2 cans and a piece of string? Also, being on social media is a bit of a problem if (a) You're antisocial and (b) You haven't any friends (essential to be a true Hasher!) From our Cultural Attaché: Hi all: Some bits and pieces for you Weekend events Ashford Loco in Kent- as I mentioned at last meeting we have heard they are holding another event on the Sunday/ Monday of the first May Bank Holiday 30 April / 1 May Cambridge- their 2017 is the second May bank holiday th May - places still available And of course NASH HASH being run by the Ancient Britons Hash in Norfolk over the August Bank Holiday- over 400 already registered!! Essex HHH weekend in the New Forest Friday 29 September to Sunday 1 October Should be a great event with lots of good territory for trails. See separate sheet for full details. Charity stuff There are two assaults of the Marathon distance by Essex Hashers this April As per other mails, Sludge is doing the big one- the London Marathon Meantime yours truly is joining Bouncer in Brighton The good news is that both events have hash beer stops so refuelling should be possible on the way round Some of you have already been generous enough to sponsor the charities we are doing all this for. Sludge has sent a mail out with his link. I am raising money for Mind. As they say, if you have half a mind to hash that s all you need but then again it s always good to have help available if its needed. They do a great job. The link for my venture is fundraising/john-buchanan3 On On! VVx 6

7 From the Hash Diary... 7

8 MERSEA ISLAND HASH HOUSE HARRIERS May to July 2017 Date Hare Venue hrs. Monday May :Bank Holiday May 1 st David Lumby Park C.P. opposite the Greyhound afterwards Black Buoy, Black Buoy Hill, CO7 9BS Wivenhoe (Last day of Beer Festival) hrs. John Adams The Crown P.H., Wormingford, CO6 May 8 th 3AB May 15th John and Gary The Cricketers, Fordham Heath CO3 9TG May 22 nd Paul Lake The Haywain, Bentley Road, Little Bromley CO11 2PL Whitsun Holiday To be advised To be advised May 29 th June 05 th Don Ford To be advised June 12 th Colin & Lyn West To be advised June 19 th Jack Fryer Sunnyside, Spring Valley, Ardleigh, CO7 7SB Sunday, June 25 th 10.00am start Mersea Island Lions Round the Island Race (from Willoughby Avenue car park) June 26 th` Arthur Whiston Abbey Fields, starting from Park Lane at back of Arena (off Napier Road), CO2 7GB afterwards at The Odd One Out, Mersea Road, Colchester July 03 rd John and Jenny Woodland Trust C.P. Ponders Road, Fordham, CO6 3LZ, afterwards at the Old Queens Head, Ford Street, Aldham. Hashes on Monday evenings are at 1900 hrs to start with and as the nights pull out are changing to hrs. The Mersea Island Lions have a Round the Island Race (which I believe they have now made into a half marathon length) on Sunday June 25 th. If anyone is interested please contact Geoff or myself. On on, Carolyn Sexton Tel: a Empress Ave, West Mersea, CO5 8EX E MAIL: jeff.empress@tiscali.co.uk 8

9 FUKFMH3 Receding Hareline Run When Where Hares Comments 392 Wed 10 May [22:43] Castle, Crown or Star Ingatestone Smartarse Marked from Ingatestone St 393 Sat 10 Jun [9.14:11] Queen's Yard, White Post Lane, Hackney E9.. Noon start My L il Spermhead P trail marked from Hackney Wick station 394a Sat 8 Jul Hash at Eurohash in Vienna The Arses Joint r*n with Aarhus Full Moon 394b Sat 8 Jul [9. 5:08] The Old Trout, Southend Tops n Sock Close to both railways 395 Sat 5 Aug [7.19:12] Brentwood ish, with a real run Banana Basher Lady Return To The Valley of The Shed. 396 Wed 6 Sep [08:04} White Horse, Potter Street Harlow Mr X Or some better pub closeby 397 Fri 7 Oct [5.19:41] start for Scenic day out in Grenwich Full Moon Horrors May be a few pubs involved. 398 Sat 4 Nov [05:24] Could be Tilbury, or not You White Honkey (Pat) He'll sober up in time to tell us. 398b Mon 6 Nov Laos Trigamist Joint Mekong H3 399 Su 3 Dec [15:48] Evening r*ns start at 7pm, where as noon is the usual time for Saturday strolls The First UK Full Moon Hash House Harriers can be contacted through these good people: Name mobile phone Tops (GM) & windsock@btinternet.com (T) Mr Sock (S) Mr Arse (RA) fukfmh3@me.com See Web for details Or search Google for FUKFMH3: And, finally I have a question. How would you like my finger in your ear?' 9

10 Open Garden Day! In aid of NGS gardens open for Charity At 14 Una Road, Bowers Gifford SS13 2HU On Saturday 15 th and Sunday 16 th July am 5pm Come along and see the beautiful garden and help us raise money for the NGS charities! Teas and refreshments available on both days Suggested admission donation