True Service. Mobile Farm & Fleet Service Mufflers Shocks Brakes Alignment Full Mechanical Service

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2 What do you get if you cross a car and a pig? A road hog #2, 128 Edmonton Trail, Airdrie, AB T4B 2B6 Tel: (403) Fax: (403) Info@airdrieinsurance.com Mobile Farm & Fleet Service Mufflers Shocks Brakes Alignment Full Mechanical Service Crossfield True Service Airdrie What would you have if your car's motor was in flames? A fire engine Page 18

3 Hi! I am in Wales now, and I had my first race on Sunday! My first laps on the track were on Saturday. I have improved greatly already but I am still trying to get the track down. They do not have qualifying here, they have practice, 3 heats and then a final. I was squeezed into the tire wall, breaking my front end. We couldn't get it fixed in time to make the first heat but we raced the second heat, finishing 6th. I also finished 6th in the third heat and went half a second faster from the previous heat! In the final, I finished a solid 5th place. Next weekend I will be going to another new track! Thanks, Chelsey Wilson #19, MS Kart Furnace Sales & Installation Garage Heaters Tankless Water Heaters Res./Comm. Water Tanks Stove & BBQ Gas Lines Water Softeners Humidifiers Wall Hung Boilers Furnace Tune-Up & Repairs Air Quality Products Air Conditioning Owner Operated Page 19

4 #3-220 East Lake Blvd. Airdrie, AB T4A 2G2 Did you hear about the cabdriver who was fired? He was driving customers away. Rare Parts I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down. Unexpected Guests? LifeÊs Great at Super 8 For reservations, Call East Lake Blvd., Airdrie, AB Fax: super8@nucleus.com ~ Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed. I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?" There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil." USED CAR LINGO DECODER Used Car Salesman: Worth Every Penny! Translation: Every penny is one cent, that is what it's worth. Used Car Salesman: Garage Kept! Translation: The garage kept this car while the owner got a loan for repairs. Page 20

5 Home & Apartment Insurance Fire Insurance Property Estimate Evaluations Just give us a call! Main Street North, Airdrie, AB T4B 2B5 airalta@air-alta.com website: 24 Hour Claim Service Toll Free (Alberta Only) After a car crash, one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. Don't worry, said a policeman. A Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you. Oh no, groaned the victim, couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one? The Ride Home Sam went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift home. His own car was off the road being serviced. "Sure," said Morry, "I'll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside." As they're driving along, Sam says, "Morry, what's that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?" What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park your car in it man. "That's my clock." A few minutes later, Sam asks, "And what's that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?" "That's my tachometer," says Morry. Then a few minutes after that, Sam starts to ask, "But what's that..." 15 Point Inspection Oil Change & Filter We Service All Domestic & Import Vehicles "Hold on a minute, Sam," says Morry, "I can see you've never been in a Rolls Royce before." "Never in the front seat." says Sam. Page 21

6 Did you hear the one about the two kids who tried to kiss in the fog? They mist! Top 10 Reasons to Buy a New Car Great Downtown Location - next to ROXY Theatre Airdrie s Best FISH & CHIPS Daily Dining Features Ask me about the Brazilian Bikini East Lake Green, Airdrie 10. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places. 9. Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel. 8. You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for 3 days. 6. When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?" 5. Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club." 4. While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt. 3. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while in the driveway. 2. You keep losing dates on left turns. 1. Traffic reporters start referring to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups. Where do cars get the most flat tires? Where there is a fork in the road. Used Car Ad Decoder: Family Owned - Driven by 6 teenagers. Page 22

7 Violin Practice Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?" Page 23

8 For Lease SF Bay Excellent corner unit consists of two large rooms, large windows on three sides & two baths. Good lease $20.00 psf escalating net, OP costs approx $6.00 psf. Located in the new downtown core and zoned CBD. For Sale or Lease We have several brand new condo bays still available for lease or for sale in the new Kingsview Plaza and Kingsview Crossing complex. The bays range in size from 1475 sf to 1575 sf and are provided with a 2pc rough-in bath, stubbed in roof-top HVAC and one overhead heater. 10x12 overhead door is available on some units. Well planned site, ample parking and easy access from all directions. Castlewood Agencies (1997) Used Car Ad Decoder: Easy Project Car - Completely disassembled, bring many boxes. Rare Model - One of 500,000 made. #305, 960 Yankee Valley Blvd., S.E., Airdrie Office / Alberta Children s Hospital Benefits from Blizzards in August Dairy Queen Canada Celebrates 6th Annual Miracle Treat Day When is a forecast for blizzards good for Airdrie? That would be on Thursday, August 7, when the community comes together to raise funds for kids in need during the 6th Annual Canadian and 3rd Annual North American DQ Miracle Treat Day to benefit Children s Miracle Network. During Miracle Treat Day, the Dairy Queen at 105 Edmonton Trail will donate proceeds from every Blizzard sold to Alberta Children s Hospital, a member of Children s Miracle Network, a non-profit organization dedicated to saving and improving the lives of children by raising funds for children s hospitals. The Airdrie Dairy Queen has been a supporter of Children s Miracle Network since This is a great event to help children and families in our community, said Trenton & Jeff. We hope everyone joins us on August 7 to share smiles and enjoy Blizzards for a good cause. Last year on Miracle Treat Day, participating Dairy Queens throughout the United States and Canada raised more than $4 million, with all proceeds staying in local communities. Canada alone raised approximately CAD $1.6 million. Dairy Queen has been a supporter of Children s Miracle Network since 1984, raising more than $70 million during that time. Each year the 170 Children s Miracle Network hospitals 14 of which are here in Canada provide the finest medical care, lifesaving research and preventative education to help millions of kids overcome diseases and injuries of every kind. For more information, contact Trenton Beday at Page 24