Newslysses Issue: 344 January 2012

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1 Newslysses Issue: 344 January 2012 Meet every Sunday for a breakfast run departing from Bimbo s, 5th Avenue, Northmead Benoni, at 8:15am Contact: Chairperson: Llewellyn Collins Cell: wells@hotmail.co.za Vice Chairperson: Allen Burger Cell: allenburger@vodamail.co.za Ulysses East Rand on the Web: ================================================================== Planned Rides:( subject to change) January Date Venue Area February March 8 th Ndlovu Lodge Pretoria east 15 th Piatto Alberton 22 nd Burgundy s/biker Blessing 2012 Midrand/Midrand- CMA 29 th Lake Avenue Deneysville 17 th -19 th All Things Bike Show Gallager Estate, Midrand 3 rd Ink and Iron Wemmerpan Not for use by under forties Age restriction 40 SNLV 1

2 Backfiring from the chair: After a long 2011 we are now facing 2012 and as always we expect the year to be better than the previous one. Yes, this can happen, but it is a decision! Take time this year to make those changes in your life that will ensure a better year, don t dwell on the past. Be proactive in all you do, time is like a running river, once the water flows past it is lost forever! On the 1 st January 2012 a small group met at Bimbo s and headed out to Kitty Hawk for breakfast. The group consisted of Llewellyn, Graham, Murray, Mike C and Rudi. The ride was led by Murray who maintained a relatively sedate pace to Kitty Hawk. One of the topics that came up was that we should have more long rides, even a full day ride if possible and that there should be regular weekend trips or overnighters. I am in total agreement and think that we should arrange a few of these, perhaps a weekend or overnighter every 2 nd month and a full day trip every other month. Think about this and let s discuss it at our next breakfast run. Any suggestions will be most welcome! Thanks to Trevor, we have some interesting reading in the Captains logs as well as the funnies. Hope to see you all next Sunday, when most of the members will be back from their well-deserved holidays. Ride safe and wear your colours with pride. Wells. Captains log: Boxing Day, Monday 26 th December 2011 After much festivity and copious imbibing of dubious liquid refreshment, the Ho Ho Ho silly season has finally drawn to an end for This was a significant year to remember for the many pleasant Sunday breakfast rides and a camaraderie experience bar none among like-minded road warriors from the East. There is also a sobering realization that without UER, each and every one of us would have lost a wealth of friendship and belonging to the undisputed best chapter of Ulysses in the world. Ya boet... dis ons! Anyway, enough of da waxing lyrical! Speaking personally I was only able to attend two rides over the festive season, namely Day of goodwill (Boxing Day) and Monday the 2 nd January (Yesterday). The following log and addendum therefore features the UER rides on these dates. On the 26 th December a handful of serious riders gathered at Bimbos as usual for a ride and breakfast. Most venues were closed and the weather looked doubtful to say the least. There was a wind blowing and the grey clouds were hanging so low, you could almost reach up and touch them. There was no doubt that it was going to rain, but when! After discussion and a unanimous decision, we opted to do a ride via Petit to Bapsfontein, across the Serengeti plains to the R21, up around Ken s corner and pulling into the Engen One-Stop for brekky. If the weather held, we planned to continue the ride to another destination. The manne en poppie who came were: Not for use by under forties Age restriction 40 SNLV 2

3 Mike C BMW 1150 GS Anita Yamaha 550 Llewellyn Kawa KLR 650 James Busa 1340 Trevor Triumph 900 Bonneville SE Grant BMW 1200 S Robin Honda 1100 Blackbird Some useless information: I have replaced my black Thruxton with a 2010 Bonneville SE which is the 1970 decade emulation replica. It is a much lighter, lower and physically smaller model than the T100 and Thruxton bikes and the difference is huge in favour of the SE. I had not even ridden the bike so this ride was my first opportunity to see how it run s. With Mike C leading for a change, we set off towards Bapsfontein and being a smaller than usual group, there was no waiting at the turnoff s this morning. We did not encounter rain on the trip and I gave the little Bonnie some beans around Ken s famous corner. The smaller bike seems livelier than my Thruxton but I noticed that it seems to rev more freely. The Bonnie is very pleasant to ride, although not very fast, just the job for my retirement commuting though. Breakfast was a good experience at the Wimpy and many good stories were swapped during the meal. The weather if anything looked even more ominous so some of us (the sane ones!) elected to gap-it home before the deluge started. So! A good ride with good friends to seal the day. Until next time, I ll see-ya (disappearing) in da mirrors. Twisty Two. Captains Log: Monday 2 nd January 2012 I spent New Year s Eve with friends out at Hartbeestport Dam. They have a townhouse in the Sandy Bay complex which is part of the Caribbean Beach Golf Club which is right on the Dam frontage. The Clubhouse caters for external guests and the manager has invited UER to come for a breakfast. We just need to let them know in advance when we intend to arrive. A new venue maybe? Up to you guys! There was a far bigger turnout at Bimbo s on Monday with ten bikes and thirteen riders present. Murray phoned me to find out where the group was going this morning and we agreed tentatively to meet at the Lemon Tree restaurant in Cullinen. The list of riders leaving Bimbo s was: Llewellyn Kawa KLR 650 Anita Yamaha 550 four Martin and Susan Kawa 1200 ZZR Pieter and Michelle Suz B-king 1340 Grant BMW 1200 S James Suz Busa 1340 Mike O D & Ally Triumph 1050 ST Graham BMW 1300 GT Trevor Triumph R3 Roadster Mike C BMW 1200 GT Not for use by under forties Age restriction 40 SNLV 3

4 UER Riders we met up with at Cullinen: Murray Honda 700 Deauville Tony Romans Yamaha FJ1300 Jenny Ducati Monster Andre & Belinda Suz Busa 1300 So in all, we had 18 riders going to Cullinen, where we discovered that Lemon Tree was closed and Murray and co had moved up the main street to Harry s Pancake Emporium for brekky. They caught up with us at the Premier Hotel where the rest of the group had gathered and were waiting patiently for brekky. Unfortunately, we found that only one waiter and one kitchen staff member were on duty so breakfast for fifteen people took an hour and a half to get to us and some tempers were tested when the food finally arrived and was ice cold! A moerofalot of stories were exchanged during the long wait so everyone found out in intimate detail what we all did over the festive season plus some stories that should remain unrepeated for eternity. After breakfast, the group split up and headed on home. May all of you ride safely and put your back into a successful 2012 so that this country can recover to growth and prosperity. So, until next Sunday when we do it all again, I ll see ya disappearing in da mirrors! Twisty Two. Funnies: European Union It is a dull day in a little Greek Village. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. One day a rich German tourist stops at a local hotel and lays a 100 Euro note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, he grabs the 100 Euro note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the 100 Euro note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the 100 Euro note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the tavern. The publican takes the money and slips it along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar who, has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him her "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the 100 Euro note. The hotel proprietor then places the 100 Euro note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the 100 Euro note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. Not for use by under forties Age restriction 40 SNLV 4

5 No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. So you see Ladies and Gentlemen this is exactly how the European bailout package works. Decorations A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, looking surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: In her 20's, a woman s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you look at them and they make you cry." This infuriates his wife and daughter so the daughter says, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree." "A Christmas tree?" Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just there for decoration." Shex & the Scot Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun. So they went back to her place and got comfortable Not for use by under forties Age restriction 40 SNLV 5

6 After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willy in your right hand". Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before. Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to..." "I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun". Cilla complies with the routine. The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willy in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?" Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser, the bitch shtole ma wallet!" Not for use by under forties Age restriction 40 SNLV 6

7 Waiting, waiting, waiting for da brekkies! Que Sera after brekkies for those that were in no hurry. Not for use by under forties Age restriction 40 SNLV 7