June 2011 The Canterbury Ulysses ladies coffee morning in May see you at the next one for details check out the newsletter

Transcription

1 June 2011 The Canterbury Ulysses ladies coffee morning in May see you at the next one for details check out the newsletter

2 Note: Opinions expressed in this newsletter are not necessarily those of the Editor, or the Canterbury Branch of Ulysses Club of New Zealand, or, or the Ulysses Club of New Zealand Inc but are those or the contributing or original writers. Committee Contact Details Position/Person Phone Mobile Coordinator/ Branch Liaison Mike Dew Secretary: Bob Tanner Treasurer: Chris Groube Welfare Newsletter Editor: Carolyn Falkenberg St John Fundraising Organiser: Chris Carey Rides Coordinator: Gene Wyngaard Website: Robert Edgeler Social Convenor: Brian Schlaadt Non Committee: Sheriff Maureen Dew Deputy Sherriff Chas Packer Archives/Property: Leicester Moss Quartermaster (Gear Sales) Marilyn Molloy Assistant Quartermaster Roger Mills Mentoring Coordinator David Moore

3 Co-Ordinators Comments On behalf of all the Canterbury Branch members I wish to welcome Mei Chen to the Ulysses Club. I hope you enjoy your time in the Club and remember to uphold the Club motto Grow Old Disgracefully The St John Ambulance Run held on ANZAC Day raised just under $1400 for the Ashburton Division of The Order of St John. A very good amount considering the wet weather on the day and the fact that is was also a long weekend (Easter). We re still expecting some funds (approx $1200) to come in from Wendy Moss who undertook a 10km fun run in aid of our St John Fundraiser. Well done Wendy. The plan is to present a cheque to the Order of St John in Ashburton at 11:15am on Sunday 3 July and then to continue on with our Branch ride to Timaru for lunch. The Brass Monkey Rally has come and gone for another year and it s good to see that our Branch members still continue to support this event in good numbers. Sorry there wasn t any snow or ice on the ground for the Brass Monkey Rally virgin in our group and it just goes to show Mark that you can t believe all the stories you are told. The number of people attending the rally was way down on previous year and I d say approx 1500 turned up. I also think it s time that the rally organisers looked at improving the tracks on site (lay some gravel), as a number of riders fall off their bikes when leaving the site on Sunday after the rain turned some of the area in to a mud patch (road bikes aren t designed for cross country riding). The winner of the raffle for two nights accommodation and breakfast for two at the Copthorne Lakefront Hotel in Queenstown was Darren Craig from Fulton Hogan Burnham Camp. The winner ticket number was 209 and all the funds raised from this raffle have gone to the Order of St John Ashburton Branch. On behalf of all the Branch members I wish to thank Karen Revell for organising this prize package. The Ted Youngman trophy is awarded to the Branch member who travels the furthest distance over a twelve-month period and this year it was awarded to Grant Hyde. Third place went to Leo Williams who travelled 14,350km on his HD Trike, second place to Chris Carey who travelled 20,356km on his Honda Firestorm and Grant Hyde travelled 37,716km on his BMW GS800. Well-done Grant. Brian has tickets available for the Mid Winter Christmas party at Twiggers on Saturday 16th July. Brian will have the tickets at this month s social evening or you can contact him via at Schlaadt@paradise.net.nz or telephone to arrange suitable time to uplift the tickets from him. Cost for the meal and show is $50 per head but the Branch committee have agreed to give a $30 subsidy to our own Club members attending this function and their partners will also receive a $10 subsidy. Therefore Club members will only be required to pay $20 and their partner (non-member) $40. Non-members and guests are very welcome to attend at a cost of $50 per head.

4 Not long now until the Ulysses Club South Island Remembrance Service on Saturday 6th August in Murchison. Invites have been ed to all the South Island Branch coordinators and also to Natcom inviting them to participate with the running of this event. Peter McIntosh (Club President) will be doing the reading this year, as Robert Edgeler is unavailable. This year we ll only have available 20 x event badges, as last year we ended up with 55 unsold badges from the 100 pre-purchased. Orders ($10 each) will be taken on the day for any extra badges required. This month s social evening will be held on Wednesday 15th June from 7:30pm at the Cashmere Club and our guest speaker this month is Charlie Lamb. Until next month keep the shiny side up. Mike # 2415 Maureen has planned a second Ladies coffee get together. This social event is for the Lady Ulysses members, Ulyssians wives or their lady partners. Meeting place : Annie's café at Tower Junction. (next to Baker's delight) Time : 10 am onwards Date : Saturday 25th June A great opportunity for just the cost of a coffee for the ladies to get together and talk about what ever it is they talk about. ( probably about how great us men are) So guys, if you have received this invite how about passing it on to your fair lady and in return this will leave you with free time to watch the TV or clean the bike. No booking required, just turn up at Annie's Café after 10.00am on 25 June. There is a table booked at the back of the café. Cheers, Brian Schlaadt Social Convenor

5 A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop. He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus. Still the drunk man is fumbling in his pocket for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus once again. Next stop, the same thing happens. In fact, every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back. A few stops later, the drunk starts to exit the bus from the front. "Hey," shouts the bus driver... "You didn't pay your fare yet!" The drunk, still reeling, shouts back, "Why should I?!... I walked all the way Happy Birthday to our June Members! Leo Williams Derek Syme Robin Attrill Dave Gibb Carolyn Falkenberg Phil Tartakover Christina Simmonds Allan Ladbrook James Davies Robin Huriwai Roger Carson John Yarwood Peter Jackson Ray Witty Ken Beaumont Peter Maynard Stephen Parr John Thompson David Moore Neal Latto

6 I should know Cos I was there. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin. Once upon a time in a land not that very far far away (unless you are reading this in Oz), in a little city called Christchurch there resided a Handsome Virgin. Nothing out of the ordinary I hear you say. Well this Virgin was a man of 50 years and eight months of age. Good God I now hear you say. How can that be possible! This man was well versed in the mysteries of women. In fact he was a seaman and had visited many parts of the World. No, this man was not a Virgin as far as the fairer sex were involved, this poor soul had never been lead by the hand to visit the Mama san of the Rassemblement de singe en laiton, The Brass Monkey Rally. (Sounds good in French don t you think?) That was all about to change. For guided by the caring hands of the Canterbury Ulysses Brethren, The Knights of Club Cashmere, the Virgin was to be taken South to the Otago hills; to the snow, ice and freezing frosts of Oturehua and there initiated into that greatest of fraternities, Brass Monkey dom. A nice wristband and a well meaning pamphlet for virgins sent by the Otago Motorcycle Club listing such titbits as it can get to 20C below!!!, your bike will freeze and Oturehua is New Zealands coldest place, accompany the Virgin on his quest. The picture is bleak. The sages of Ulysses embellish with your tent will freeze, your bike will slide on the ice and don t bother undressing, just jump into your sleeping bag as it will be so cold and other wise old words of encouragement. The Virgins resolve is challenged. Better to stay at home and watch the telly? No! Sir Bob of somewhere in Christchurch would not deter the Virgins Quest with his tales of Global Freezing!! Armed with this knowledge, out went the Dolce & Gabbana knitwear, the Versace shirts and Alexander McQueen footwear. Garments from the Houses of Kathmandu, Oxford, Dririder and the house of Davidson and Harley replace them and woollens that Empires are built upon. All this plus a canvas residence for one are strapped to the Virgins noble chariot, a gleaming Harley Road king to whisk him south with his Brothers in Arms. A mustering of Knights plus one Virgin took place at the BP Rolleston service station. The Knights of the Road are bedecked in garments bearing witness to their conquests such as Burt Munro Challenge, 25ers club, March Hare, the list goes on and enough tin badges to provide armour against any barbarian that would be met in the nether regions of the Country. These were true and nearly virtuous men indeed to lead the Virgin south.

7 Off they went. Plink plink the Virgins balls joined those of the Brass Monkeys as temperatures dropped rapidly approaching Ashburton. They would hopefully be retrieved on the return leg, as there was no time to stop now. Even bold Knights had to stop for coffee and a pee and so it was that Highway One passed beneath wheels until the watering hole called the Teapot Inn at Temuka beckoned. They entered. They left. Fortified by warming brews and empty bladders on they went ever further south passing the bastions of Timaru and Oamaru until Palmerston was seen ahead. A hot pie and more tea followed by more pee and off they went those gallant men and their Virgin. Onto the Hogs root and into the hills. The temperature dropped from +15 to +10 but still no sign of snow, frost and hidden nasties on the road surface. And it came to pass that after the most stunning of rides on wonderful roads that Ranfurly was reached. After a quick refuel of the noble steeds it was on to Naseby and the first nights stop at the Ancient Briton. The Virgin had made it without scrapping his arse on the highway. So far so good. He was lead to the bar and a comfy seat by the fire. The Virgin was reminded of his rites of passage, of which there were many more to come. Get the beer in Son quipped the old sages as they ruminated and recalled old adventures. Sir Ash of Blenheim spoke of challenges to be overcome on his rise to the Presidency of this noble and fair land. He rallied the Knights to his cause. A fortifying meal of Bangers and Mash washed down with vintage Speights warmed tired bodies. A visit to another watering hole lead to some homegrown music from Sir Grumpy of the far North playing the spoons. This was a sound dear to the hearts of the locals and Knights alike. A good nights rest and a hot shower the following morning revived the Knights and their Virgin. Sir Robert of Christchurch escorted the Virgin to Mosgiel stopping off for a hot coffee and a warming of the toes in Middlemarch. The Virgin had never seen such magnificent biking roads as that run to Mosgiel. A must do for any Virgin coming this way in the following years. Twisty, scenic and fantastic fun. They arrived mid afternoon at the hillside where a tented town was being constructed as far as the eye could see. A badge was pinned to the Virgins proud chest but the fun was only beginning. The Virgins humble abode was erected, a cup of tea was proffered, the fire was lit, stories of gallant deeds were recounted and a bloody good night was shared. Fireworks lit the skies, Cheesy toasties from the hearth of Lady Pam warmed stomachs, and a huge bonfire did its best to asphyxiate the throng.

8 Stories of sharks and nuns and acronyms, lasers and other worthy topics were past around the warm and welcoming fire. Sir Martin Greenlegs said it was time to get the Barbie out. Thinking we would get some snags and patties on the go the throng got a little excited. Only to be thwarted when he returned with a bright pink Barbie doll seat for the Virgin. The fire was kept warm and welcoming by regular prompts from Lord Mike with the Virgin Rallyer stokes the fire! The Virgin rallyer did as his Lord commanded. The knights retired to their abodes as they were fair knackered by this time and full of cake, scones, biscuits and ale and most were so much older than the young Virgin and needed a decent knights rest. The oompah lumpah band did its best to lull the tented town to sleep with melodies by Bon Jovi and lullabies by Guns N Roses until midnight. Then someone called Alice (Alice who the F#*@s is Alice) clearly would not return to her tent at 2:30 in the morning despite her husbands insistence as a domestic argument ensued. Then at 3am the Virgin was forced to insert his earplugs to try and deaden the tympanic drum of a snoring beast that had taken up residence in a nearby tent. The rain hitting canvas that lulled the satisfied Virgin to slumber enhanced the steady note. Dawn broke. Slowly. Wetly. Cloudy and a hint Smokey. As the sun struggled to suggest to the throng that a new day was in the offing, the cooker was lit and tea taken. The Virgin was no more a Virgin. He had made it through the night. There was no snow. No frost. No wind. No fanfare or banging of drums in celebration. Just the sense of belonging. It was a warm night. Where was the weather of ill repute so fondly spoken of and remembered by the Cashmere Knights? Was this the worst that the coldest place in New Zealand had to offer? A bit of dampness. Bah humbug! After a breakfast fit for a King and a new Knight of Cashmere (simply a must for future Virgins in my opinion), we hit the road home. Sir Bob of somewhere near Christchurch suggested an alternative route out of the campsite, which unfortunately entailed dragging the once shiny Road King through some very muddy agricultural land. Thankfully the Massey Ferguson heritage of the Harley Davidson came to the fore and it ploughed the furrow with ease slinging mud behind it in good measure ensuring that those that followed had an equally crappy time too.

9 know each other. After a stop at the Detroit Diner in Oamaru and a coffee shop in Ashburton where 2 spheroids were retrieved the new Knight bid farewell to his guardians and returned to his castle along highway 73 where after a hot bath drawn by the lady of the household and a glass of fine Otago plonk, stories of the initiation and losing of the motorcycling cherry were recalled. The camaraderie of the Ulyssians of Canterbury and beyond is second to none. Their advice and assistance was immeasurable. We laughed together, shared stories, had a few ales and just spent some time together putting the world to right, talking bikes and getting to For those of you contemplating a similar rite of passage I simply urge you to go and do it. I have not been riding motorcycles for long but the Brass Monkey Rally has to be the best time astride my noble steed that I have done. As for the title, a Welsh comedian called Max Boyce would say, if you did not experience something how could you talk about it. In his case it usually referred to Welsh Rugby matches in the heady days of Barry John and Gareth Edwards that he would go too. In my case it was the 2011 Brass Monkey Rally. I should know cos I was there. A special thanks must go to Bob who mentored me from start to finish, offered advice and lots of misinformation about the expected weather. To Chas, Grumpy and Robert who guided me along the highways and byeways of the Mainland, who treated me as an equal despite my greenness and did not leave me behind despite my occasional lagging along. Oh, and by the way, who exactly WAS Alice? Mark Dexter # 8358 Ulysses Canterbury

10 32 Allen Street, Christchurch Phone Fax info@citymotorcyclerentals.com GROUP RATES QUOTED FOR Ulysses Motor Cycle Club Group Booking Reference: FA5485 Off Peak Fares: Each Way Off Peak Dates: Adult $ Jan 20 April 2011 Children $ April 20 October 2011 Motorcycle $ October 15 December 2011 Car/Van up to 5.5 metres $ each Each half metre over 5.5 metres $17.00 Peak Fares: Each Way Peak Dates: Adult $ January 2011 Children $ April 2011 Motorcycle $ October 2011 Car/Van up to 5.5 metres $ each December 2011 Each half metre over 5.5 metres $22.00 Group Booking conditions and instructions for members are: Each reservation must be made direct with Interislander Phone Group Desk Hours: Monday Friday Saturday 0800-noon. To access these rates members must quote group reference FA5485 Every reservation will be given an expiry/payment date, required to be paid in full by that date Space is subject to availability at the time of the booking request Membership card is to be shown at check in - no membership car then retail fares will be charged. Refunds Once paid for fares are 90% refundable if cancelled prior to check-in and non-refundable if cancelled after check-in. Fares valid from 01 January through to 31 December Members to bring their own tie downs.

11 A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit a suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

12 Rugby Geniuses Jono Gibbs, Chiefs "Nobody in Rugby should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Rodney So'ialo, Hurricanes, on University "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Colin Cooper, Hurricanes head coach "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Chris Masoe (Hurricanes) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt. "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." Colin Cooper on Paul Tito "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Kevin Senio ( Auckland ), on Night Rugby vs Day Games "It's basically the same, just darker." David Nucifora ( Auckland ) talking about Troy Flavell "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you... Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'David, I don't know and I don't care.' David Holwell (Hurricanes) when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to reach for 150 or 200 points this season, whichever comes first." Ma'a Nonu "Colin has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator." Phil Waugh "We actually got the winning try three minutes from the end but then they scored." Jerry Collins "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." Tony Brown "That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." Tana Umaga "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." Doc Mayhew "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in rugby, but none of them serious." Anton Oliver "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." Ewan McKenzie "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." Tana Umaga: "On what?"

13 Murray Mexted (1) "Andy Ellis the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago" (2) "He scored that try after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play." (3) "I would not say he (Rico Gear) is the best left winger in the Super14, but there are none better." (4) "Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." (5) "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." The best Murray Deaker: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?" Paraprosdokian Sentences A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. War does not determine who is right -- only who is left. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR." I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip

14 Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon... and a shot of tequila. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. You're never too old to learn something stupid. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child? Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. After the 2011 AGM. One of the great things about my pommy mate, Tony, is the fact that he loves coming to New Zealand To Ride, and every time he turns up that s exactly what we ve done, 4 times now. His first riding trip was in 2004 but it s not been all plain riding, every time he turns up we expect the unexpected, and he never disappoints. The first visit was Feb 2004 and he d ed me the year before and said I m coming over, to ride in January. Hang on says I Leave it until February, the kids are back at school and the weather s much more settled. So that s what he did, and February 2004 was surely the wettest February since records began. We did some 5000ks around the South Island and were constantly drowned. I don t ride in the rain! he said at one stage, but he does now. Surprisingly he came back again in 2006, March this time, and while it wasn t so wet it wasn t that dry either, but hell this is New Zealand. We spent 2 of his 3 weeks in the North Island but after trying to dry out at the Rawene Hotel in Northland we squelched onto the ferry the next day and headed to Cape Reinga. However, on a back road to Kaitaia a pack falls off the back of Tony s bike and remains unnoticed for at least the next 8 hours, by which time we re in Thames after a 700 K ride north then south, bugger. The pack was full of dirty laundry, some clean clothes, and some electronic gear which was difficult to replace, all in all the loss was a bloody nuisance. However 6 days later we re in Naseby, doing the South Island leg and he checks his on the pub s computer and there s a message from the Kaitaia police saying they d found a pack with his business card in it and they d like to send it back to him as soon as possible, it was starting to smell. Quick return and the pack is delivered to my place 2 days before he s due to fly back to the UK, compliments of the Kaitaia Police.

15 Another in 2008, Thought I come over again in about November Sound great, I ll book us both into the Magpie Rally but you ll have to sleep in a tent. No sweat sounds great, can t wait. Did another quick whizz up north before heading to the Magpie, which as usual was a good fun rally, and we still had 3 days of riding before he was due to fly home. Sunday morning, rally over, we head south to Palmerston and then west, over the Pig Root to Omakau where we check into the Pub for the night. Got there fairly early so took a ride down to Alexandra, where I should mention he d put his jocks in the camping ground microwave, back in 2004, and burnt them to a cinder and smoked us out of the cabin, but that s another story. On the way back from Alexandra we detour to the wee town of Ophir and stop to take a photo of the historic bridge. Photo shot, and do a U turn to get back to the Pub, its beer O clock by now, but bugger Tony and his bike are in a ditch and he s yelling at me to Get the bloody thing off my foot. Dilemma for me, do I help him immediately or take a photo? However by the time I d parked my bike he was out and hobbling up and down the road using all sorts of expletives. Never did get the photo, but he couldn t ride the bike out of the ditch so it was down to me, he did however manage to ride it back to the pub. Ankle was swollen by now so I hurriedly wrapped it in a cold wet towel and headed for the bar with him limping behind, which meant I had to shout the 1 st pint. Anyway the next day we ride from Omakau to Hokitika in the most horrendous storm you can imagine, the wind was making the heavy rain horizontal, but the main danger was flooding on the roads. We were forced to negotiate a fair size slip at the top of Mt Hercules and eventually made it into Pukekura, 90 ks south of Hokitika where we spent the night. Tony was obviously in considerable pain but we assumed that the ankle was just sprained, shoved another cold compress on it and I had to shout the 1 st beer once again. Rain had eased a little by the morning and our next stop was Karamea, and after breakfast in Hokitika the sun actually came out and while Tony s ride was still painful mine was great. Made Karamea easily but he wasn t overly interested in a walk around town so had to stay in the pub drinking beer all evening. Easy ride back to Christchurch the next day and Tony and his ankle flew back to the UK the day after. Three days later I get another , he s safely home and had the ankle x-rayed and it s broken. Lucky he didn t get it x-rayed here that could have put more strain on ACC coffers, yet another motorcycle accident! And then there was this recent trip and the bit after the 2011 AGM. He and I headed back north after breakfast at The Petone Workingmen s Club, the others, by then, were on the ferry back to Picton. Wasn t so much raining as drizzling as we headed back over the Rimutaka Hill aiming for Hastings, where we thought we d stop for the night? Called in at the Info Centre and spoke to a lovely lady who booked us into a good local motel. While we were there Tony whips his wallet out of his pocket and puts it on the counter and then steps back a metre or so to get a better look at the item he was buying. Unfortunately the wallet was chained to his belt and the chain was less that half a metre long resulting in a whole heap of pommy pounds, kiwi dollars and sundry business cards all over the floor.

16 No sweat, pick it all up, buy the item and head for the motel and the RSA for a beer. Next morning, going north again, we stop for lunch at Wairoa and he spots a jeweller s shop, Great I can get my watch strap repaired here says he, so in we go. Classy watch says the jeweller, but where s the bit of the band that actually attaches to the watch itself? Ah says Tony, That s in my wallet, or at least it was before I tipped the contents onto the floor of the Info Centre! OK says the jeweller, I ll contact the Info Centre in Hastings and see if they can find it, meantime I ll do a temporary repair so as you can wear the watch. Watch strap was then fixed Thanks says Tony; How much do I owe you? Oh that s on the house says the Jeweller and I ll post the missing bit to you in England once it turns up. Received an from Tony, 3 weeks after he d got home and the missing part had arrived and the timepiece was once again complete. Quite frankly he must be the most tin arsed bastard I ve ever know. After that we went to Whakatane, then down through Rotorua, where I got a puncture just as we got into town, so that was pretty lucky too (being in town that is) and then onto Palmerston North for the night and a new tyre for Tony s loan bike in the morning, at ANZA. Another night in Wellington then the ferry to Picton to stay with Grumpy again on Thursday and a compulsory beer at The Crow Tavern. Friday we pick up Marlborough Ulybod Ray Beard and head over to Pohara in Golden Bay for 1 night before heading south to meet up with Karen and Chaz in Murchison. Easy ride from there, down through Hokitika to Pukekura where we spent the night in cabins behind the Puke Pub. Mostly good weather thus far, until we got to Haast the following morning and down she came, which was a shame as the ride over the Haast Pass is a real highlight of any trip, but then we got to Wanaka and the sun was out again. One night left, so we headed over The Lindis and down to Otamatata and the Pub which had originally been built, as accommodation, for the construction workers on the Waitaki River Scheme. Turned out to be comfortable and dry with good food, to say nothing of the beer, perfect for our last night on the road. Bit less than 400 ks to get home the next and final day so the heavens opened in the night obviously deciding that Tony should have one more wee adventure before flying out the next day. It was bucketing as we left Otamatata, it was pouring in Tekapo and it was pissing in Christchurch but Tony arrived back at my place with a huge smile on his dial and said There you go, I knew I wouldn t let you down, the hydro lakes are full again, my undies are dry, my ankle s all mended and my watch is back together, just hope I can do it again someday! Bob Tanner #2877. For the members interest. As of May membership list, the club members bikes by marque are: Triumph 11 Yamaha 11 BMW 13 Kawasaki 20 Harley 32 Honda 46 Suzuki 51 There are still a large number of members whose make/model/cc I don't have so this order of standings could change a lot Chris Carey

17 CAVE STREAM the ride to end all rides (yeh right) As told by Wendy The day is Sunday 22 May (the day after the end of the world yeh right). The closest we got was a slight reality check with a 3.7 shake. What a beautiful day that greeted us. After deciding life was too short and the day too nice to waste we headed for Shell Curletts Road to await anyone else that survived. After a brief period several others, (that weren t the chosen ones) joined us for what would be a great day of riding. At around 10.30, twenty bikes and twenty four rides/pillions headed west along Yaldhurst Road and the Old West Coast Road towards Springfield our first stop. As we turned onto the highway at Waddington our two newbies left us and headed south. We made a short stop in Springfield (which allowed some of us, (that were too lazy to make something for lunch) pick up something to eat. We rejoined the group and headed for our next destination Cave Stream short two more bikes as they headed for home. (Hope you are all ok). Heading west into the Porter s Pass I was so pleased I had the forethought to wear some thermals as the temperature dropping at least 10 degrees. As if that wasn t enough I was battling with my confidence in some of those corners giving my thighs and abs a really good work out, (and all this from the back seat of the bike). Having never been through this picturesque countryside (barren and dry) I was pleased when we finally arrived in the rest area at Cave Stream. Relieved also to see a toilet rather that looking for that blade of grass the freedom campers seem to find. May I say you don t need to ride a bike to enjoy our rides. It was really good to see some families arrive by car along with the family dog well done and great to see you there. After taking a short hike down to the viewing platform and shivering to the sound of that cold water we made our way back to our bikes and tucked into the culinary delights of lunch, (someone forgot to tell Bob it wasn t a race to the top). Eagerly awaiting the raffle draw with several false starts, yes finally my number was drawn. At this point I was told the winner has to write the ride up (no sweet, feel set up). Lighter chatting before deciding it was time to head for home with a stop back in Springfield for coffee. After some trouble getting my leg across (the bike that is) needed help by Leicester. We headed north to Flock Hill Station to suss out some accommodation and restaurant prices before heading for home. Caught up with everyone in Springfield for a quick hot chocolate and some more scintillating conversation (weather was still lovely and hot). There comes a time when we have to make a move and after thanking everyone for their raffle donations Leicester and I headed for Rolly and home. Fish and chips for tea thanks guy very nice too they were. Footnote: If this is what the end of the world is like, give me it any day. Happy riding every one. Keep safe until next time. Wendy Moss #08173

18 Verns Ride 15 th May Woke up Sunday morning and quickly turned on the TV sports channel to see if the rugby was on only to find I was in time to catch the Richie McCraw interview at the end of the game and hear the sad news that my beloved Crusaders team had lost I said bugger out loud, then I looked at Tracy and give her that look I wouldn t mind a cupper. She just looked at me and said do you want a cup of tea, yes thanks was my reply. The next thing our dog Harry was on the bed, so this meant Tracy had to get up and let him out. Five minutes later she was back with a cupper, as I laid there I could hear rain on the roof so I said to her what do you think? Should we go? We decided to get up have breakfast and see what the weather was going to do. Tracy made me crumpets with melted cheese on them followed by another cupper. After breakfast we decided that we would take the punt and go, so I wheeled the Tiger out of the garage started her up and noticed the fuel light was on. I thought I would fuel up when I get to Shell Curletts Road. We set off about 10 o clock pulled into the fuel stop, filled up and sent Tracy into pay, at the pump I bumped into Ross Goodman on his new Triumph Thunderbird, he had such a big smile on his face you know the look (the cat who got the cream). He had only had it a week but was just in love with it and so he should be because when these were released in America they won cruiser of the year. We went over to the gathering place to mingle as you do before you set out for the days ride. As we were waiting a car pulls up and inside were Laurie, Bev, Karen and Chas so I leant through the window and asked him where the Harley is, it s raining was the reply I said the rain won t hurt it Laurie replied it will get wet, Oh I said (thinking to myself if I had a bike with 2 acres of chrome to polish and about a 4 day task to clean) I would probably leave my bike in the garage on wet days too. About 15 bikes turn up and a couple of cars so there was around 22 of us, great turn out for a rain affected day. Vern gathered us altogether for the days riding instruction after which we mounted our bikes for departure. Left the petrol station to go through to Lincoln via Springs Road, then onto Tai Tapu, where we had a brief stop to gather everybody up. Then it was on through Gebbies Pass up around the Summit road and down through the Lyttleton tunnel, on through Linwood with a small detour because of road closure. We followed Vern to his mate s place where Vern had organised us to view his motorcycle collection. He had 33 bikes and an Austin Healy in his garage. I thought this is a guys dream place, these bikes were all in different condition some were complete and others were works in progress (you wouldn t get bored on a wet day in this garage) I could imagine sitting there with a cup of coffee just thinking of the next task to do on one of the bikes. To Tracy s disbelief he was allowed one of his bikes in the lounge, we all were invited inside to have a look at it, Tracy was quick to turn to me and said don t even think about it.

19 After saying our thanks to Vern s mate we got on the bikes and rode to Vern s place. When we got there I was expecting a sausage sizzle and a slice of bread but what we were greeted with was a sit down meal, white table cloths, wine, garlic bread, bread, salads, hot potatoes, hot peas sausages and to top it off we even had desert laid on. Laurie brought the plate around to collect the small cover charge of $10.00 per person. When it got to Maureen she said Mike will pay, Mike just looked at her and said you can pay, no was Maureen s reply you pay so out comes Mike s wallet and he handed over $ Then Laurie approached me, I said Tracy will pay which she did. I laughed to myself because I thought of my day s events, I got a cupper made for me in bed, had my breakfast made, petrol and lunch paid for. Mike you really need to remind Maureen of your wedding vows Love, Honour and Obey! Lastly I would like to give a big thanks to Vern and his ladies for their hospitality. Dave Mines #07116

20 Earthquake Assistance Page NELSON Hi Mike, I have had a couple more offers come in for accommodation for your members if they want to get a way for a few days. Here are the people to contact;- Rene Visser 03) rvisser@extra.co.nz one bedroom with 2 single beds. Lives in city. John Ross 03) hotwash@xtra.co.nz - 2 double bedrooms Lives in Wakefield. Hororata Hi Mike& Maureen I would like to offer accommodation if needed to any Ulysses member displaced in Christchurch. We have a couple of bedrooms available if needed, while people sort themselves out. We didnt sustain any damage this time but feel for those who did. Fortunately our children were very lucky as well hence the offer. Just contact us on and we will do what we can to help. All the best Jean and Richard Crawley Accommodation in Dunedin 10A Wavy Knowes drive Waldronville, Dunedin / , but the cellphone is not always turned on. william@ulysses.org.nz william@web-enz.co.nz william@old.geek.nz CHRISTCHURCH Hi Mike. Penny and I may have a room to spare for a fellow Ulyssian in need. J Dave. Contact Dave at dhawkins@xtra.co.nz NELSON Terry and Di are terryhainsworth@hotmail.com. Phone or Also, if any of your members have a camper and want to park up on our landing strip for free they are welcome. They will share a toilet and shower with us and can have absolute peace for a while. Lorraine -eagleview@xtra.co.nz CHRISTCHURCH Mike Anybody needs a shower or washing done get them to call us and arrange it. Phone Ray and Barb Hi Mike, Shattered to hear about the disasters enough said. As you are prob aware I am in Gympie, 60k from Noosa and 180 north of Brisbane. If anyone wants/ needs a break please contact me. I have a spare room (queen bed) and couch. A Harley Road King, BBQ and a fridge full of beer. I live on a golf course and the complex has a pool. The temp is between 22 and 32 so no jumpers required. It will only cost the airfare over and your green fees. Take care John Watson Senior Finance/Contracts Co-ordinator john.watson@skillcentred.com.au Telephone: Fax: Address: PO Box 642, 41 Nash St, Gympie QLD 4570 Hi Mike - My wife works for Waimak Alpine Jet at Springfield. They are offering $20.00 off Jet boat Rides and Neds Cafe and Bar at the same premises is offering a 20% discount off all food and coffee to all Ulysses members when they show their Card or badge.- Regards, Annette & Trevor Johns

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22 Ulysses Club South Island Remembrance Service Your hosts The Ulysses Club - Canterbury Branch invite you to the South Island Remembrance Service. When: Saturday the 6th August Where: The Murchison RSA Hall, on the corner of Hampden & Brunner Street. Time: The Service starts at 1:00pm. Please assemble at the RSA Hall from 12:30pm. An afternoon tea will be provided after the service in the Murchison RSA Hall and a gold coin donation is requested. Thank you. There will be an event badge on sale for $10. Accommodation available (Book your own) in Murchison at: Murchison Motel Telephone Hampden Hotel - Telephone Commercial Hotel Telephone Kiwi Park Motel Telephone Mataki Motel Telephone Penman Motel Telephone The Old Bank Telephone Ride History: The Ulysses Remembrance Ride was started in August 1988 under the name of the Mel Curran Memorial Run. The Auckland branch had planned a weekend run to Taupo and it was on the eve of the run, 5 th August 1988 that they learnt of the death of there friend Mel who had been in hospital for some weeks after an accident on his bike. During the weekend the members present in Taupo decided to remember Mel the following year (1989) with a Memorial Run for which a badge would be struck. Since that time we have lost a number of good friends and fellow motorcyclists through accidents or illness and after the first Memorial Run it was decided to change the title to Remembrance Run in order to include all riders who wished to come along to remember old friends. The first South Island Remembrance Run was held in Twizel in August The following year the service was held in Murchison on the 4th August 1991, so this year s service is our 22nd in the South Island. Considering the time of year and possible road conditions (ice, snow etc) travelling by car is OK, as it s your participation we would like to see. For more details contact Mike Dew, Canterbury Branch Coordinator, Telephone (03) (evenings) or canterbury@ulysses.org.nz Canterbury Branch website -

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24 Calendar of Rides Rallies and Events Any time you eat/drink here, say you are from the local Ulysses Branch and you will earn reward points for the Club! For a full up to date list of future rides and events go to:- Note --- unless stated below, ALL rides will leave from Shell Curletts Road, or from the Belfast Hotel (usually known as The Peg). Sunday rides leave at 10.30am, OR as stated below.' Note -- RIC = Rider in Charge... TEC = Tail End Charlie RIDES CALENDAR - June 2011 This is a guide only, for the latest info on rides please visit the Ulysses Canterbury Web Site at : and click on What s On on the main menu. If you loose this sheet you can print another one off on the above page under Printer Friendly Version Button Web Master, Robert Edgeler, Ulysses #6969 Date Where to Details Wednesday June 15 Midweek Ride, Every Wednesday, weather permitting Meet at Shell Curletts, at am ready for departure at am, bring lunch or buy en route Wednesday 15 June Branch social evening 7.30pm at Cashmere Club, dinner available from 6 pm Wednesday 22 June /Sunday June 26 Wednesday June 29 Midweek Ride, Every Wednesday, weather permitting Ulysses Canterbury Branch Lunch at Terrace Downs Midweek Ride, Every Wednesday, weather permitting Meet at Shell Curletts, at am ready for departure at am, bring lunch or buy en route Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leave time 10.30am Meet at Shell Curletts, at am ready for departure at am, bring lunch or buy en route Ulysses6969@gmail.com

25 Date Where to Details Sunday July 3` Wednesday July 6 Sunday July 10 Wednesday July 13 Saturday July 16 Ulysses Canterbury Branch ride to Timaru Midweek Ride Every Wednesday weather permitting Ulysses Canterbury Branch ride to Greta Valley Midweek Ride Every Wednesday weather permitting Ulysses Canterbury Branch mid winter party Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leave time 10.30am Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leaving time 10.30am Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leave time 10.30am Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leaving time 10.30am See website for details Wednesday July 20 Wednesday July 20 Midweek Ride Every Wednesday weather permitting Ulysses Canterbury Branch Social Evening Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leaving time 10.30am 7.30pm at the Cashmere Club, dinner available from 6pm Sunday July 24 Wednesday July 27 Wednesday August 3 Weekend August 6/7 Wednesday August 10 Ulysses Canterbury Brach Three Gorges Rider Midweek Ride Every Wednesday weather permitting Midweek Ride Every Wednesday weather permitting Ulysses Canterbury Branch South Island Remembrance Service Midweek Ride Every Wednesday weather permitting Meet at the Peg (Belfast Hotel) ready to leave at 10am, leaving time 10.30am Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leaving time 10.30am Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leaving time 10.30am See website for details Meet at Shell Curletts ready to leave at 10am, leaving time 10.30am

26 If not found, please return to PO Box 4611, Christchurch 8142