OAKHURST, CA FRIDAY, JUNE 13, 2014 VOL 2 NO 65

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1 87/51 88 / 54 VOL 2 NO 65 OAKHURST, CA FRIDAY, JUNE 13, 2014 "THE BOARDINGHOUSE" Melodrama, Saturdays & Sundays June 14 July 13. 7PM, 2PM. GOLDEN CHAIN THEATRE, HWY 41, OAKHURST. Adults $12. Seniors $10. Children Tickets/Reservations: goldenchaintheatre.org. Info: (559) COARSEGOLD CLASSIC CAR SHOW, this Saturday, June 14, 7AM -2PM, On the Green at the Coarsegold Historic Village, 35300Hwy 41, Coarsegold. Advance Car Entry Fee $20, On Site Registration $25. Proceeds benefit Manna House. Info and Forms at: CoarsegoldClassicCarShow.com FLAG DAY CELEBRATION, 6PM-9PM, Oakhurst Lutheran Church, Rd Black Road (across from PG&E) Tri-Tip Sandwich Dinner $7 to benefit Caring Vets. FREE hot dogs for kids! Flag Day Observance Program. Evening Ends with Retiring of Old Flags STARTS TONIGHT: FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE LAKE, 7PM-9PM, 15 FRIDAYS - 15 BANDS ONE LOCATION - YOSEMITE LAKES PARK CLUBHOUSE, Yosemite Springs Parkway. Concert begins 7PM - FREE Entrance - Fresh BBQ-Family Fun! TONIGHT: DAVE HENDERSON BASS LAKE ARTS & CRAFTS FAIR, June FLAG DAY/ FATHER S DAY CELEBRATION, Saturday, June 14, NOON-6PM, Oakhurst Elks Lodge, Hwy 41. Fried Chicken Lunch $12, served from 1PM-3PM. Games: Turkey Shoot, Purple Pig Races, Pool. Noon-4PM, Fee $5. CARING VETERANS RAFFLE DRAWING, 4PM, Sportsmens Den, (New Location) Hwy 41, Oakhurst (across from Yosemite Gas) Raffle tickets $5. 1st prize AR-15, 2nd Prize: Savage.243, 3rd Prize Remington Commemorative. Need not be present to win. LOTS OF OTHER PRIZES, but must be present to win! For tickets, call Terry Cole:

2 Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows to mourn the deaths of their cats Miranda Decision by U.S. Supreme Court rules a suspect must be advised before questioning of right to remain silent and to an attorney. My husband was driving home from work when he was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Two days later same ticket, same cop. So, the officer said, Have you learned anything? Yes, I have, said my husband. I ve learned I need to take a different way home from work. Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get." A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake." On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!" Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

3 FIRST Sitting behind some nuns (whose habits partially blocked their view) at a hockey game, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there." One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you go to hell? There aren't any nuns there!" A customer walked up to my bank window and asked me to cash a check. Of course, I said. But I ll need to see ID. She dug though her purse and handed me a snapshot. That s me in the middle, she said. A lady rubbed a bottle and a genie popped out. You have one wish said the genie. Hey countered the lady I thought I get three wishes? Not from me, said the genie I m not that powerful. OK responded the lady taking out a map, I am making a wish for peace between this country. I m really sorry said the genie, But I am not powerful enough for that. That s fine said the lady, Instead I would like to find a cool, caring man, who loves children, and cooking. The genie sighed and said Alright let me see that map again. DID YOU KNOW? Ants live in colonies that contain almost 500,000 ants. After I waited patiently while my husband played a round of golf on our 18th wedding anniversary he and I went out to dinner at a lovely restaurant. We discussed many happy memories we ve shared during the years. Then I said Want to go for another 18? No, he replied, I think it s too dark now.

4 A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." Myriad adj. Constituting a very large, indefinite number; innumerable: A myriad grains of sand. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Don Marquis Expires

5 Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for. When it was Jerry s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. Wow the leader gushed that s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, how you stay married to the same woman for so long. Well, Jerry said after thinking for a few moments, I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips and best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas. Well that s really beautiful, and a true inspiration for all of us the lady said maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary she said with a smile Well Jerry said I m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up. A lady went to a psychiatrist complaining of a terrible phobia. Every time I lay down on my bed I get this terrible fear that there is something underneath. Wow responded the psychiatrist I ve never heard of such a phobia, but like all phobias it can be treated, but it will likely take around 20 sessions. OK responded the lady how much is each session? Oh it s just $80 a session, but trust me it s well worth it. When the lady didn t come back to the psychiatrist he gave the lady a call. How come I didn t hear from you? He asked. Well responded the lady When I came home and told my husband about the cost, he thought he would save some money, so he just cut the legs off the bed! OPEN WED SAT 11-4

6 To post events, CALL TODAY: FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE LAKE, 7PM-9PM, YOSEMITE LAKES PARK CLUBHOUSE, Yosemite Springs Parkway. Concert begins 7PM -FREE Entrance - Fresh BBQ - Family Fun! This Friday: Featuring: DAVE HENDERSON. 15 week Concert series starts tonight, ends Sept 19. BASS LAKE ARTS & CRAFTS FAIR, Bass Lake, New location on the lake in Ducey s parking lot. SATURDAY, JUNE 14: COARSEGOLD CLASSIC CAR SHOW, 7AM - 2PM, On the Green at the Coarsegold Historic Village, Hwy 41, Coarsegold. Advance Car Entry Fee $20. On Site Registra<on $25. Proceeds benefit Manna House. Info: Carolyn Mather BASS LAKE ARTS & CRAFTS FAIR, Bass Lake, New location on the lake in Ducey s parking lot. CARING VETERANS OF AMERICA RAFFLE DRAWING, 4PM, Sportsmens Den, (New Loca<on)40396 Hwy 41, Oakhurst (across from Yosemite Gas) Raffle <ckets $5. 1st prize AR- 15, 2nd Prize: Savage.243, 3rd Prize Remington Commemora<ve. Need not be present to win. LOTS OF OTHER GREAT PRIZES, but must be present to win! For <ckets, call Terry Cole: FLAG DAY/ FATHER S DAY CELEBRATION, NOON-6PM, Oakhurst Elks Lodge, Hwy 41. Fried Chicken Lunch $12, served from 1PM-3PM. Games: Turkey Shoot, Purple Pig Races, Pool. Noon-4PM, Entry fee $5. FLAG DAY CELEBRATION, 6PM-9PM, Oakhurst Lutheran Church, Rd Black Road (across from PG&E) Tri-Tip Sandwich Dinner $7 to benefit Caring Vets. Flag Day Observance Program. Evening Ends with Re<ring of Old Flags YLP CLEAN-UP THE PARK WEEKEND, 7AM-4PM. YLP Clubhouse, Yosemite Springs Pkwy. $5 vehicle & $10 trailer BOTH $15 Sierra E-Waste & All Right Recycling SUNDAY, JUNE 15: HAPPY FATHER S DAY! YLP CLEAN-UP THE PARK WEEKEND, 7AM-4PM. YLP Clubhouse, Yosemite Springs Pkwy. BASS LAKE ARTS & CRAFTS FAIR, Bass Lake, New location on the lake in Ducey s parking lot. COARSEGOLD FARMERS MARKET, 10 3pm, Every Sunday thru October, Coarsegold Historic Village. WESTERN GOSPEL, 4PM, Tim Johnson Band, Oakhurst Lutheran Church, Rd 426 X Black Rd (Across from PG&E) MONDAY, JUNE 16: AUDITIONS FOR A Golden Fleecing 5PM 7PM, Golden Chain Theatre. Call LuLu Men and women of all ages encouraged to audi<on. Play runs July 26 thru August 24 Saturdays & Sundays. For info: Mary Lou Finley TUESDAY, JUNE 17: AUDITIONS FOR A Golden Fleecing 5PM 7PM, Golden Chain Theatre. WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18: SUMMER READING KICKOFF, 9:30AM- 10:30AM, Oakhurst Branch Library, oakhurst fobl.com.