EDITORIAL POLICY. Items for inclusion should be submitted to -

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2 EDITORIAL POLICY The views expressed by contributors are not necessarily those of the editorial team, who reserve the right to edit submissions for reasons of space, content or grammar. Items for publication should bear the name of the author, with address and telephone number - although this information will not necessarily be printed (we may need to contact the author for clarification or further information.) The final day for submission of items for the October 2013 issue is 10 th September. There can be no guarantee that Items submitted AFTER this date will be published. Items for inclusion should be submitted to - Harry Fancy, 7, Grange View Rd., harryfancy@hotmail.com Or John Bentham, The Bungalow Halton Road jbj@nkt.myzen.co.uk Peter Riley, 3, Channel Head, ; is responsible for distribution Advertising (commercial or small ads. ) is dealt with by: Steve Hinde, The Barn, Halton Road, shinde@toucansurf.com NOTE - Typed or Handwritten items are acceptable but to eliminate the risk of errors during transcription, articles sent by are preferred. COVERSTORY. For once Field Day was blessed with decent weather. The mother of our opener Beccy Meechen (one of BBC s Look North TV presenters) actually lives in NetherKellet.Beccy,I mpleasedtoreport,provedto be much prettier than last year s cat supplied by Morecambefootballclub althoughhealsoprovedto be a thoroughly professional opener. He only got a saucerofmilk,butbeccy,iunderstand,wolfedseveral hot dogs, hamburgers, and ice creams. You wouldn t thinkittolookatherfigure,wouldyou?perhapsiwas misninformed. Field Day again raised over 2,000, which is contributedtowardstheupkeepandrenovationofthe Village Hall. The hall is betternequipped and maintained than ever in recent yearsithasbeenrenroofed,fittedwithnewchairs,tables,carpet,matsforindoor bowls,muchimprovedkitchenfacilitiesandevenapublicaddresssystemanda wallpaintedtoserveasascreenforpowernpoint or slide presentations. Yet the price for its hire remains the lowest in the area; little wonder that the hall is in almostconstantusethroughouteachweek. 2

3 WI 80 th Birthday celebrations Nether Kellet WI started the week with some of our ladies joining the village Field Day parade, dressed to kill and brandishing 80 th banners and balloons. Other members were out on the field, manning our very popular and lucrative Fish for a Bag stall. Later in the week came our birthday party. No cooking or baking beforehand and no clearing and washing up after. Not this time We were catered for with a splendid cold meat and salmon buffet followed by some very naughty choices Following the meal, we were entertained by members offering some comic verses, including one about the WI and one re the ageing process. This section finished with some Lancashire dialect rhymes, Albert and the Lion for example. The evening ended with a domino drive that didn t go to plan but amongst the confusion and merriment we did finish with a winner. I think Patricia Barnes Former WI members at the 80 th birthday party (from the left) Mrs Mary Whitaker, Mrs Christine Wilson and Mrs Florence Holden with the President, Mrs Brenda Wilding. The cake was made by Mrs Eileen Gladstone and the floral arrangements were by Mrs Veronica Atkinson. 3

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5 Nether Kellet Field Day 2013 Well it didn t rain A big improvement on And what a great afternoon it was. The parade and the floats were brilliant. The field was so busy and the ladies in the kitchen reported very brisk business all afternoon. The music on the field this year, the roving microphone and the updates about what was going on next really helped the day go with a swing. It was a record turnout for the races, even the Mums and Dads had a go. The boys still haven t mastered the art of the 3-legged race; drag your partner along the ground if he falls over is still the preferred way to get to the finish line. The new water bomb tossing competition proved very popular and will definitely be on the race list again next year. A very BIG THANK YOU to everyone who helped to make the day such good fun. The Field Day Committee do work hard to ensure the success of the day but they couldn t make things work so well without everyone s help and support on the day. So thanks again Nether Kellet you are just brilliant Sarah Patterson, on behalf of the Field Day Committee Nether Kellet WI Twenty one members and three visitors attended the June meeting. Brenda introduced the speaker for the evening, Julia Henry, who gave an interesting talk on her work as a stained glass artist showing us examples of her work and the techniques she used. NK WI celebrated its 80 th birthday on the 21 st June with a party in the village hall this was attended by current and former members. Twenty five members and one visitor attended the July meeting. Brenda introduced the speaker for the evening, Marie Rayner, a qualified chiropodist, who talked about the benefits of reflexology which she demonstrated on two members and showed us how to do our own standing reflexology. The monthly walk on the 4 th July was around Warton followed by lunch at the Malt Shovel. Date for your diary the W.I. annual coffee morning will be held on the 12 th October with proceeds going to the local Parkinson s Disease Society. BB 5

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7 INDOOR BOWLING CLUB At last the result of our Angela Redford Competition. (This should have appeared in the last Round About but the report somehow got into my computer s Junk box, from which I eventually rescued it too late Apologies, ) All the ladies in the club were hoping that, this year, a lady would win and we almost got our wish. Sylvia Blenkinship played really well and won through to the final against Bill Muckle. Unfortunately on this occasion her nerves got the better of her and she was not at her best. However, it was still a good match with Bill winning by 2 games to nil. Well done to all the players who took part. On Monday 22nd April our friends from Tebay came down for one of our friendly matches. We don t play to our usual rules and just score the total number of points at the end of the evening. This resulted in Nether Kellet winning back the Margaret Lewis Trophy with a score of 83 to 35. Once again we had a fun evening ending with a good supper. Thanks to everyone involved. Our doubles competition was played on May 30th. Eight couples competed with Catherine Williams/ Gilbert Reghelini playing through to beat John Harding/ Jean Crabtree in the final. Well done to all the players and welcome to Gilbert, our newest club member, even if he does walk off with one of our trophies in his first competition Finally, thanks to all our friends and members who donated gifts for our tombola stall on field day, which once again was very popular. We hope everyone agreed that our new system using bottle tops instead of raffle tickets was a great success. Thank you for collecting them and to everyone who helped on the day. Jean Crabtree WI Coffee Morning Saturday October 12 th, am Nether Kellet Village Hall In aid of Parkinson s Disease Society 7

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9 Get more from your camera If you are interested in photography why not come and see what a camera club can offer? In Lunesdale Camera Club you will find a group of friends sharing the same interest who will make you very welcome. The club programme offers internal competitions, presentations and workshops that can help to improve your photography and add to your enjoyment of the hobby. Quite a few members are from Nether Kellet We meet fortnightly in Halton with other members attending from a wide area. Our season begins in September so why not come along, spend an evening with us and see what we are about. There is no obligation to join on the night Check out our website for details at or contact George Smith

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11 Nether Kellet Parish Council This recent spell of really warm and dry weather has come as a bit of a surprise to us all following the largely poor summers of 2011 and Once again the flower beds around the village together with the tubs at various locations and, of course, the arrangements on the walls of the village hall continue to add a splash of colour to the scene. The tidy sessions set up on Tuesday evenings also show that Nether Kellet is a place to be proud of. Many thanks to all concerned who give of their time freely for the benefit of the rest of us. I am sure that if anyone would like to join either group of volunteers, their presence would be very much appreciated. One of the trees that was planted on the village green close to the Peace Stone, to celebrate the Queen s Diamond Jubilee, has unfortunately died. The Parish Council is exploring the options of obtaining a replacement and hopefully the deceased plant will be replaced in the Autumn. Planning issues usually proceed without comment but it does seem that some things give cause for concern more than others. Such is the case with wind turbines, of which we now have one within the parish behind Lawson s Farm, which does not appear to have alarmed too many people and another just over the parish boundary not far from Back Lane. This latter structure is, of course, on a far larger scale and is now in operation. There are three more outstanding applications within the parish and one other just beyond the parish boundary close to Birkland Barrow. The application for a structure behind the chicken processing plant on Timpenny Lane is now in the hands of the appeal office in Bristol, whilst the other three are still pending with Lancaster City Council and the statutory period for comments to the planners is now well past in each case. The parish council s response to these proposals took into account the opinions of the local populace and also took into account the size and locations of the proposed structures. As is the case with all planning concerns, if people feel strongly enough about anything it is their right to make their opinions known directly to the planning authorities. It would seem to be the case that applications for this form of renewable energy are likely to recur on a more frequent basis than has been the case hitherto. There is no Parish council meeting during August and the next meeting of the council is at 7.00 p.m. on the 4 th September. Unless otherwise stated, meetings are held in the Congregational Church School rooms on Main Road and are held on the first Wednesday of each calendar month at the earlier start time of 7.00 p.m., with the exception of August when no meeting is held. Michael Watson ~ Parish Clerk 11

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13 THE MOST BORING WORD Clearing a heap of notes from a chair, the professor bade me sit down. Do excuse the chaogenous state of the soteria, but as you see, I am no cockalorum. Neither am I a psilosopher Good gracious - surely no-one could accuse you of that I responded, with an uncertain smile. I glanced around his study - a conglomeration of books, tottering towers of hand-written manuscripts and a range of cardboard boxes labelled letters and newspaper cuttings. A mangy Persian cat reclining in one of them opened an eye to view me with distain; it was the sole companion of the maverick philologist and clearly resented the intrusion of strangers. Now, Professor, I understand that you have an announcement about your latest project That is so. Precisely. A small undertaking. At least I thought so at the commencement. Indeed, I envisaged a pleasant afternoon or two pottering amongst recondite words inspecting, rejecting, cogitating, selecting, until I had achieved my goal Your objective, professor what precisely was your goal? Heavens, man Have you come unprepared? Were you not briefed? Surely the subject of my latest endeavour must have been vouchsafed to you by your estimable editor? (In point of fact when assigning me to this interview my editor had referred to the professor as That asinine, superannuated flatus with some new bee in his bonnet. Go and see what he s been up to this time. Claims to have spent nearly a year on some dreary etymological project of interest to no-one but himself: but you never know ) He thought it best that you should have the honour of describing the precise nature of your deliberations in person, I said diplomatically. Somewhat mollified, Professor Pedantus extracted a slim folder from the nearest pile; across its front was printed in large hand-written letters The most Boring Word in the English Language. I stared at him in disbelief. Could the man really be serious? Had he really spent several months on a ridiculous wild goose chase? Was this a practical joke at my expense? I expected him to hand the file to me but he clung onto it. At first I was convinced that the answer lurked amongst the plethora of words commencing with the letter P, he explained. Just think about it pagination, palmipede, panegyricism, paralipomena, phronesis, porcine, porringer - good grief, man the possibilities are limitless For a time I thought I had found my elusive quarry in porridge, but my elation was short-lived. I presume that the Oxford English Dictionary must have been a constant source of inspiration, Professor? 13

14 Balderdash, my dear fellow Humbug The OED that apotheosis of superficiality The Times, sadly, has refused to publish any more of my rebuttals. I occasionally have recourse to it, but only in extremis and even then its pontifications must be taken with a generous pinch of salt Having rejected the OED, along with porridge, what other words did you consider? I soon realised that my search must take into account the merits of numerous short words, familiar even to the layman. Fudge tempted me strongly for some days, but puddle, screw-driver, aghast and puce also have their attractions. The task seemed endless. Then one day, whilst I was I pointedly examined my watch and rose from my seat. So, Professor, which word did you eventually select? He took a deep breath. In the end I decided to let the word select itself I took my trusty Chambers Dictionary and looked away whilst I slid a knife between two pages. On opening at the selected spread, I closed my eyes and jabbed a pin into it at random. Perhaps you would be so kind as to reveal what word was auto-selected in this way? That s the really exciting thing about the whole operation. happened to be Go on, I urged. You really are not going to believe this, but I swear it is true. Try me The word just The word was boring Boring turns out to be the most boring word in the English language, my friend. * * * I understand that the professor is making satisfactory progress at the Portabello Rest Home and is expected to make a complete recovery. The cat is being looked after by a neighbour. 14

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17 QUARRY QUERIES Just over a hundred people from near and far (but mostly from near I suspect) took advantage of Bardon Aggregates well-organised Open Day on Saturday 22 nd June. Clearly the star of the show (or the villain of the piece according to your point of view) was the recently-installed wind turbine which towers above the site. Don Quixote would have been ill-advised to take a tilt at this particular giant, and he would certainly have been perplexed to find a little door at its base. This is what he would have seen had he looked inside a computer monitor giving a running commentary on the giant s performance. I am proud to report that miserable rain for much of the day was accepted with typical British fortitude. It is eight years since the last Open Day at the quarry. In the meantime the already vast machinery has grown even larger, dwarfing the mahouts who control these elephantine boys toys. A FEW FACTS The quarry extracts and processes some 800,000 tons of rock per year. The drill rig drives holes 110mm in diameter to take the explosive charges. The depth of these holes varies from 4 to 18 metres so the yield from blasts varies considerably, averaging between 20 30,000 tons. There are 3-4 blasts per month. On 12 th June 2013, just ten days before Open Day, Back Lane Quarry was awarded the Biodiversity Benchmark for Land Management % 17

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19 NETHERKELLETARTSANDCRAFTAND PHOTOGRAPHYEXHIBITION VILLAGEHALLSEPTEMBER21 ST AND 22 ND 2013,10AM 4PM 1ENTRANCE ALLPROCEEDSTORNLI ContactPatriciaCrossTel orSteveMarsdenTel formoreinformation 19

20 Personal Training and Fitness in the Lancaster and Morecambe area WhetheryouareanewmumtryingtogetbackyourpreRbabybody,agrandmother committedtostayingfit,oryousitatadeskalldayandaresimplylookingtoburnoff steam,youcanreapthebenefitsofourfitnessclasses. Classesaredesignedtoaccommodateallfitnesslevelsandprovideachallengetoall whoparticipate. FITNESSCLASSTIMETABLE Monday 9.15amR10.15am Indoorcyclingforbeginners Tuesday 7.30pmR8.30pm Advancedindoorcycling Wednesday 9.30amR10.30am Seniorfitnessgroup Wednesday 7.00pmR8.00pm Totalbodyworkout Friday 9.30amR10.30am Indoorcycling Saturday 9.00amR10.00am Indoorcycling Sunday 3.00pmR4.00pm Indoorcycling Costs: 4.50perclassorbookthreeclassesinadvancefor Ifbookingthree classesfor 10.00pleasenoteifyoucancelapreQbookedplacewithlessthan24 hoursnoticethatclassisnotrefundable. Classnumbersarelimitedto10.Pleasebringadrinkandatowel. PERSONALTRAINING Doyouwanttoloseweight,improveinyoursport,(suchasrunningorcycling)orbuild muscle?whynotcomeandseerichardforaonertoronepersonaltrainingsession. Richard s no nonsense, gimmick free approach will help you to achieve dramatic results.formoreinformationpleasevisitourwebsite,orcontactus. Thesecretofgettingaheadisgettingstarted.Mark%Twain% SOLET SGETSTARTED, CONTACTRICHARDTODAY sarah@richardmasonfitness.co.uk Mobile: MainRoad,NetherKellet,Carnforth,LA61EZ 20

21 For Your Bookshelf Chris Smith of Carnforth Bookshop recommends some recent publications of local interest. Magnificat - Marilyn Edwards 6.99 Fans of The Cats of Moon Cottage will be delighted to know that local author Marilyn Edwards has produced another book. Homeless and hungry, Magnificat is desperate for someone to take her in. She forms a relationship with Ben but Ben has a family and relationships and problems of his own. It's a real page-turner and totally heart-warming. A-Z Adventure map books 7.95 The A-Z company is best known for its A-Z street maps, but they also do a good range of other maps. Anybody who has used big sheet maps, either indoors or outside, will have had the experience of a map with a life of its own, which won't fold where you want it to. A-Z have come up with a much handier format. They use the same mapping and symbols used by Ordnance Survey in their 1 to 25,000 Explorer maps, which are widely used by walkers and others in the countryside. They are produced by A-Z in a paperback booklet format: this means you can focus on the area you are using and there is no problem with folding it shut again The maps which are of particular interest to our region are: Coast to Coast Walk (88 pages) Pennine Way North (64 pages) Pennine Way South (60 pages) Lake District, Northern Fells (72 pages) Lake District, Southern Fells (72 pages) As you might guess from the names, the latter two books focus on an area of the Lake District; the first three focus on strips several kilometres wide which include the whole of the classic long-distance footpaths. The Matchless Tragedy the Morecambe Boating Disaster of 1894 Simon Williams 4.50 The pleasure yacht Matchless sank off Jenny Brown's Point on 3 September Simon's booklet, based on diligent research, brings to life an accident which cost 25 lives, but is little remembered. More information is available through our website 21

22 AUGHTON PUDDING FESTIVAL, The hamlet of Aughton (pronounced afton), (like the Kellets) was mentioned in the Domesday book of 1086, its name meaning a place where oak trees grow. Also, in common with Nether Kellet and Arkholme, it has an entry in the Guinness Book of Records, but for a very different reason In 1782, basket-weavers of Aughton, William Lamb and his brother Robert, acquired a huge boiler measuring 6 feet long, 2 feet wide and 2 feet deep in which they soaked and boiled willow wands to soften them and make them easier to peel. Some of their neighbours jokingly remarked that the boiler could be used to make a huge pudding. The brothers and their friends were taken with the idea and actually used it to bake an enormous pudding that was shared with all the villagers. This led to a tradition of producing huge puddings at Aughton, but only at infrequent intervals of several years. The Pudding Festival lapsed after the 1886 production but was revived in 1971 when it was decided that the event should be held once every 21 years. The last time the festival was held 1992 the Aughton pudding established a world record - it weighed 3.83 tons, which was duly recorded in the Guinness Book of Records Lunesdale Engineering of Halton constructed the boiler used for the 1971 pudding, and this will also be used for this year s festival, which will be held on Summer Bank Holiday Monday 26 th August. Apart from the novelty of the huge pudding, the festival will feature the Village Show, Farmers Market, displays of woodland crafts, archery, bee-keeping, tractors, children s races and trade stands. Bear in mind that if you miss this year s festivities, you will have to wait another 21 years for the next opportunity 22

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24 NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH - COMMUNITY ALARMS When we first considered having Neighbourhood Watch, a resident said to me: We don t need it here, we look out for each other. I think that s true, and recent events have shown me that that it is more than a reporting and watching out for criminal activities, but rather a tool for community care. There is a council run scheme, called Lifeline Connect whereby the lonely and vulnerable can call for assistance in times of crisis by means of an alarm pendant worn around the neck. You need a telephone line. When the button is pressed the system makes an emergency call to a 24 hour call centre. Trained staff will take your call and take action: by contacting your emergency contact (a friend or relative), your carer, your doctor or the relevant emergency service. Unfortunately this is not free, and costs 3.75 p/w. For more details or to enrol ring or < councilhousing@lancaster.gov.uk>. Two public spirited individuals acting as contacts under this scheme have recently ensured that a subject was not laying incapacitated at home when she was unable to be contacted, so it s not all about miscreants. CONMEN. I have watched a TV programme about the tricks of so called property repairers this week. Two things emerged. They don t like cheques. They are very willing to take their victims to a cash-point to get their money. You want a builder? Try yellow pages; ask a friend. GT Police Report for JUNE 2013 for Nether Kellet Crimes: 1. Just after 10pm on 15 th, a stone was thrown at a house on Main Road, cracking an outer pane on the front door. Nobody was seen or heard. 2. Between 5-7pm on 12 th, an i-phone was reported as stolen from a house; enquiries are ongoing. Incidents: 1. On 6 th there was a report of a fly tip on Shaw Lane. The council was informed. 2. On 9 th some males were seen to be acting suspiciously entering the (closed on Sunday) Tarmac site. The patrol attending found no trace of them or a vehicle. 3. On 27 th there was a report of very high-pressure sales techniques being used on an elderly couple. Details have been forwarded to Trading Standards. For the information of computer-users, you can register yourself to receive different categories of information from the police (e.g. Neighbourhood Watch, Farmwatch, Rural Watch or whatever is relevant to you in your area) on this website: Your Local Neighbourhood Policing Team may be contacted by telephone on 101 or carnforth.npt@lancashire.pnn.police.uk 24

25 Nether Kellet in bloom, a meadow of buttercups Hare today gone tomorrow 25

26 Every second Sunday Every month What's on in Nether Kellet? Saturday 3 Aug Thankful Villages Farmers Market morning Village Hall Saturday Sunday Sept Arts, Craft Photography Exhibn am 4.00 pm Village Hall Saturday 5 Oct Quiz Night (NK Twinning) 7.30 pm Vilage Hall Saturday 12 Oct WI coffee morning am Village Hall Thursday 28 Nov Christmas Bingo 8.00 pm Village Hall OLDWINEINNEWBOTTLES 9 26

27 VILLAGE HALL ACTIVITIES Playgroup Monday: p.m. Tuesday: p.m. Friday: p.m. Contact: Village Hall Club Social meetings on 1st and 3rd Tuesday each month, p.m. Bowling Wednesdays: p.m. Thursdays: noon Jean Crabtree: Pump Cottage Rainbows Thursdays: p.m. Mrs Jane Wren Mrs Emma Rudkin Brownies Thursdays: p.m. Mrs T Stott: 17 Bridge Road Gardening 1st Friday in the month 7.30 p.m. Club Sue Winder: The Orchard, Shaw Lane WI 2nd Friday in the month: 7.30 p.m. Mrs B Wilding: 4 Bluebell Cottages Quilting Last Saturday in the month 10.30a.m p.m. Club Mrs Y Beal: 16 Church Hill Craft Second Sunday of the month 10am-2pm Produce Market Mrs Y Beal: 16 Church Hill Booking Clerk Mrs Y Beal: 16 Church Hill If you are a local business and would like to advertise your company in this magazine, please contact Steve Hinde, The Barn, Halton Road, Nether Kellet. Tel Prices are as follows-: full page advertisement 8.00 per edition half page advertisement 4.00 per edition quarter page advertisement 2.00 per edition 27

28 VILLAGE ACTIVITIES ELSEWHERE Sunday School: St. Mark s Church: Mobile Library: Congregational Church Every Sunday in Church a.m. to noon Services every Sunday at 9.00 a.m.; Family Service each fourth Sunday in the month. Vicar - Revd. Nancy Goodrich, The Vicarage, Main Road, Bolton-le-Sands Every other Thursday: Hornby Bank a.m. approx Meadowcroft a.m. Village Hall a.m. Laithbutts Lane p.m. Police: Police Station, Lancaster PCSO Annette Hoover Voice mail PACT Surgery: 4th Friday each month, a.m noon At the Congregational Schoolroom, Main Road Neighbourhood Watch Graham Titchmarsh Co-ordinator: Honeysuckle Cottage, Main Road Coffee Morning: 2nd and 4th Friday in the month noon in the Congregational Schoolroom Jean Towers Muriel Ward Twinning Secretary - Christine Holdsworth Association: Chairman Frank Simpson Nether Kellet Head Teacher - Mrs N Brough Community Primary School City Councillor Roger Mace Downderry, Halton Rd., Nether Kellet, LA6 1EU for Kellet Ward (jrmace@nether-kellet.freeserve.co.uk County Councillor Susie Charles (Susie.charles@lancashire.gov.uk) Chairman Parish Chris Halhead Council Parish Clerk Michael Watson Village Website 28