CONTINUED: (8) 22. DISSOLVE: EXT - S OFFICE DOOR Big Tim stands on a metal fold-up chair. With hammer in hand, he re-hangs the lucky horseshoe. (CONT'D) There. Now maybe my fortunes will change. Big Tim steps down from the chair, folds it up and leans it against the office. Whistling, he takes out a handkerchief and begins cleaning a line of plastic figures as Duke follows. No more than ten seconds into his dusting, Big Tim starts coughing. He covers his mouth with the dusty handkerchief. Fred, who camps out on the lot in the VW Camper, stumbles out. Big Tidy, I need fifty cents for a cup of coffee. You ain t drunk a cup of coffee in fortyfive years. Here s a quarter. That ain t enough! Big Tim loses his patience and snatches the quarter back. Fred moves on. Then give it back! I need it more than you, anyway. What was that all about? I offered Fred a quarter and he turned me down. Said it wasn t enough. Can you believe that? Nearly my last quarter, too. Why do you keep him around, Pops? Fred s our assistant security guard... assistant to Duke. Besides, if I didn t give him a home, who would?
CONTINUED: (2) 82. Jingle bells, jingle bells, help me get drunk... Help me get drunk! You left your wallet over here last night. I wondered where it was. I opened it to insert a little love note to you, and guess what I saw? Photos of you on stage with eight strippers! CUT TO: INSERT: We see the photos of Tidy Tim s birthday bash at the Pussycat Showcase. Uh, look, I can explain. You better! Don t want no cappuccino, just want some pino! A white Ford Crown Victoria pulls up to the lot as Big Tim looks at Fred in dismay. The EPA man exits. Mr. Tim Karnes O Hara II. We meet again. The ghost of Christmas past is trying to bury me. Just doing my job. Where s the contamination site? RALPH It s innnn the b-back...
CONTINUED: 83. Onofrio in his Cadillac limo comes to a screeching halt and bumps into the Crown Victoria. Hey, grease monkey! Onofrio exits with a long spool of eight-track tape. (CONT'D) My eight track stopped working! You just rear-ended my city car. Send the bill to the fat man. He wouldn t fix my brakes. Big Tim begins hyperventilating uncontrollably. And I ve already rented A Christmas Carol and baked cookies. Tidy Tim begins to hyperventilate. Fred approaches the EPA man. You got any spare change, mister? EPA man ignores Fred and addresses Onofrio. We ll settle this matter later. Duke growls at the EPA man and heads to the parked cars on the street. DIGGER You going to be okay, Big Tim? Big Tim is now breathing into a small brown paper bag as he motions them to move on. Still on the phone with Nurse Julie, Tidy is trying to control his breathing through a plastic Ziploc bag. Are you all right, Tidy?
CONTINUED: (2) 84. A-a-aple... d-d-doesn t f-fall... far from the t-tree. Come over and I ll explain, o-okay? Okay. I ll have to get my testing equipment. I ll be right back. As the EPA man heads to his car, Duke follows him. Big Tim sits down, Digger near him. I need a sit-down, Digger. Keep an eye on that EPA man for me, will you? DIGGER I m going to check out Ralph s hole before he does. Digger hurries to the back lot, dropping to the ground and looking into the hole Ralph has exposed. He puts his hand into it. Whatever the mess is streaks his fingers. He smells it. On the front lot, Fred sings out to any passer-by. Support your local wino! Help me get to the liquor store! I want my eight track fixed now! RALPH I ll get to it tomorrow. Tomorrow is Christmas day! Tidy comes out of the office, picking up Big Tim s Santa hat, that Big Tim had thrown down earlier, and puts it in his back pocket. He goes up to Big Tim, still breathing into the small paper bag. N-nurse Julie s on her way over. Tidy breathes into his Ziploc bag.
CONTINUED: (4) 86. Yeah, and just in the nick of time. Tidy puts the Santa hat on his fathers head. Ho-ho-ho! Big Tim grabs Tidy Tim in a bear hug as Tidy kisses his father on his stubbly cheek. Duke barks happily. Digger takes out his harmonica and begins playing Joy To The World. God bless Tidy Tim s. The camera booms upward to a high angle. As the CREDITS roll we see still shots with captions that read: Max Bunger - After the sale of the Pussycat Showcase, Max unsuccessfully ran an online sex-toy company with his latest girlfriend, Tiny Tammy. Mimi Slaughter - After discovering that the red Firebird convertible was only a rental, she broke up with Max Bunger and moved back to Miami in a hearse sold to her by Digger. Filthy Ralph and Large Marge - Opened a Wings n Things mobile restaurant. Fred - Resides at the Classic Homeless Shelter that Big Tim and Tidy Tim opened on their vacant lot. Thomas Jefferson Washington - Was given the collection of plaster-of-paris figures. Princess Cool Water - Purchased the vacant lot from the O Haras as planned and turned it into the Smokin Hot Casino and Cigar Shop. A giant cigar emitting smoke signals adorns the side of the building. Duke - Resides at the pet annex of the Classic Homeless Shelter. Tidy and Big Tim bring him daily treats. Digger - Got a raise at Tidy Tim s and is in charge of new inventory.