Grumpy Grandad in Santa's Grotto It was nearly Christmas. Crazy Grandma shivered as she stood looking in the shop windows. She could really do with a new winter coat to keep her warm, but she hadn t got enough money. They were all too expensive. Not only that, she had so many Christmas presents to buy, she was hoping she might be able to buy one in the sales after Christmas. Now then, where s my shopping list? she thought to herself. She rummaged in her bag and found the list of all the Christmas presents she needed to buy. Then, through the doors of the big shop she went, ready to make a start. Inside the shop everything was trimmed up with Christmas decorations. Streamers hung from the ceilings, Christmas trees with pretty baubles hanging on them, Snowmen and Reindeers with sledges full of toys and stalls full of Christmas cakes and Christmas Puddings. And people bustling about doing their Christmas shopping. Crazy Grandma looked around and felt really happy. She loved coming into town at Christmas and seeing all the shops lit up with pretty lights and hearing the Christmas Carols. It was lovely just not to hear Grumpy Grandad grumbling. Grumpy Grandad never went shopping with Crazy Grandma. Crazy Grandma always made sure she shopped on her own, so she could wander round and take her time without Grumpy Grandad shouting at her to hurry up and pushing everybody out of the way. She made her way to the Toy Department and started looking on the shelves. But oh dear, everything was so expensive and Crazy Grandma soon began to worry that she hadn t got enough money to buy the presents she wanted. What was she to do? How could she afford to buy all the things she needed. As she stood wondering what to do, she heard a little girl crying. Her mum had brought her to visit Father Christmas in the Grotto, to tell him what she wanted, but the Grotto was shut. Crazy Grandma walked over to the Grotto to see what 1
was happening. Outside the Grotto were quite a few mothers with their young children who had been expecting to see Father Christmas, but instead of seeing Father Christmas all that greeted them was a big notice saying Sorry but Father Christmas was ill. Oh dear, what a shame thought Crazy Grandma. She knew that the children were all very upset and disappointed. She wondered if maybe one of Father Christmas s helpers could do the job but them she overheard the Manager of the shop telling one of the mothers that unless they could find someone quick to help out until Father Christmas was better, they would have to close the Grotto this Christmas. Crazy Grandma didn t waste any time. She rushed over to the Manager Excuse me young man, did I hear you saying you needed someone to help in the Grotto until Father Christmas gets better? Yes, that s right, but we don t seem to be able to find anybody. Everybody is too busy, replied the Manager. Well leave it with me said Crazy Grandma feeling very excited I know just the person for the job, he ll be in to help you tomorrow. The Manager looked really pleased and said he would be delighted if Crazy Grandma could get someone to help out for a little while. Crazy Grandma hurried out of the shop and went to get on the bus. Yes, she did know just the person and that was, guess who, Grumpy Grandad. She knew he would grumble because he wouldn t want to do it, but if Grumpy Grandad just helped out in the Grotto for a few days, the extra money that he would be paid would buy the Christmas presents that Crazy Grandma needed. When Crazy Grandma got home, Grumpy Grandad was sitting looking at the television. She took off her coat and made a cup of tea. Now how could she persuade Grumpy Grandad that he was just the person to take the job in the Grotto. It wasn t going to be easy. She made Grumpy Grandad a cup of tea and cut him a piece of Christmas cake. That should put him in a good mood; she knew he really liked Christmas cake. Then she told Grumpy Grandad all about how Father Christmas was ill, and unless Grumpy Grandad went to help in the Grotto, none of the boys and girls would be able to let Father Christmas know what they wanted 2
and they might not get any toys at Christmas. She told him how pleased the Manager was that Crazy Grandma had said Grumpy Grandad would help and he would get some extra money for Christmas if he did the job well. Grumpy Grandad listened, his face getting redder and redder and then he did, what Grumpy Grandad always did, he started to grumble. I m not dressing up as Father Christmas and sitting in a Grotto all day, you stupid old woman. Why did you say I d do the job Because the boys and girls are all upset and I ve no money to buy any Xmas presents replied Crazy Grandma and went back into the kitchen. Grumpy Grandad sat for a long time thinking. Maybe I could help, I don t suppose it will be for very long and the extra money would come in handy to buy the Xmas presents. So he went into the kitchen and told Crazy Grandma Alright, I ll give it a try, but I m not dressing up in silly clothes. Crazy Grandma smiled to herself No, of course not she said but she knew that when he got to the Grotto he would have to wear a Father Christmas suit but she d worry about that when it happened. So long as she could get Grumpy Grandad not to grumble at the boys and girls everything would be all right. But as we all know Grumpy Grandad never stops grumbling so however he could pretend he was Father Christmas was just expecting too much. But nevertheless, the next day Crazy Grandma and Grumpy Grandad set off to the big shop. Well, just as Crazy Grandma had expected, as soon as they reached the shop, Grumpy Grandad did what Grumpy Grandad always did, he started to grumble. I m not making a fool of myself, dressing up as Father Christmas, everybody will know it s me, I m going back home he shouted and started to walk away. Crazy Grandma ran after him. Come back, nobody will know it s you. The children will be so happy that the Grotto is open, and so long as you don t grumble everybody will think it s the real Father Christmas and we do need the extra money to buy some Christmas presents. Grumpy Grandad calmed down and walked back to the shop with Crazy Grandma. Yes, Crazy Grandma is right he thought to himself so long as I don t grumble and keep smiling, it doesn t really matter if a I wear a silly costume because nobody will know it s me. So feeling 3
much happier about it, Grumpy Grandad and Crazy Grandma made their way towards the Grotto where the Manager was waiting. Now remember, said Crazy Grandma no shouting or grumbling at the boys and girls, just keep smiling and you ll be alright. The Manager had seen them and started to walk towards them looking very happy. I m so pleased you are able to help us out for a few days he told Grumpy Grandad I can see you are just the sort of person we need to do the job until Father Xmas is better. Now let me take you inside the Grotto and fix you up with a Father Christmas outfit. We have a lot of children waiting so we must hurry up. Inside the Grotto was a huge chair where Father Christmas always sat and next to it was a big sack full to the top with all sort of different toys. Dolls, cars, books, paints, Lego and different toys that Grumpy Grandad had never seen before and didn t even know what they did. As he stood looking, the Manager went inside a cupboard and brought out a Father Xmas outfit. This looks just the right size, he said smiling hurry up and get changed and then we can open up the Grotto. Remember; always ask the children where they live and what they want Father Christmas to bring on Christmas Eve. Grumpy Grandad nodded and then went to get changed into his Father Christmas outfit. He could feel a grumble coming on, but he managed to control himself. No, he mustn t start grumbling, he must try and look happy for the boys and girls and then he would get paid some extra money for Christmas. He put on his Father Christmas suit and a big white beard and looked at himself in the mirror. Straight away he started to grumble. He couldn t stop himself. He had to have a grumble. He felt really hot and sweaty under all these clothes and he could hear all the children outside the Grotto eagerly waiting for the Grotto to open up. I m not doing it he shouted angrily and started to take the costume back off again. But Crazy Grandma had heard him shout and came running into the Grotto. As soon as she saw Grumpy Grandad in his Father Christmas outfit she started to laugh at him. And that made Grumpy Grandad get even more angry. Get me out of this stupid costume, you crazy old woman, I m going home he shouted at her and threw 4
the costume on the floor. Oh no you re not said Crazy Grandma sternly. All the children are waiting to see you and you can t disappoint them now. Is everything alright in there? the Manager shouted through the door Are you ready Father Christmas? Yes, nearly ready shouted back Crazy Grandma two more minutes and you can open up. Now get back into that costume, and for goodness sake stop grumbling she told Grumpy Grandad keep smiling and just remember if we get the extra money we ll be able to have a lovely cooked Christmas dinner instead of just a sandwich like we always have. That did the trick; the thought of a lovely Christmas Dinner followed by Christmas pudding would be lovely. They couldn t usually afford to have much for Christmas Dinner, so Grumpy Grandad put the Father Christmas suit back on and sat down in the big chair, all ready for the boys and girls to come in to see him. He looked into the sack and pulled out one or two toys. What ever did they do, these modern day toys with batteries in? Why couldn t kids just have an apple and orange like he had when he was a boy and a new penny he thought to himself and put them back in the sack. The next minute into the grotto came a little girl with her Mummy. She was a little bit shy at meeting Father Christmas. Grumpy Grandad smiled and asked her what her name was. The little girl whispered Ellie And what would you like for Christmas Ellie said Grumpy Grandad I would like a new Dolly or a Teddy Bear said Ellie And where do you live? The little girl told Father Christmas. Well, Ellie, if you are a really good little girl I ll bring you one on Christmas Eve said Grumpy Grandad smiling Look in my sack and see what toy you would like to take home. The little girl picked out a tin of paints from the sack and then whispered Thank you and waved goodbye. Grumpy Grandad sat back in his chair feeling very pleased with himself. This was going to be easy. The children really did think he was Father Christmas and he had made that little girl so happy. He was ready for the next child. The next one into the Grotto was a little boy called Adam. He told Father Christmas he would like a train set for Christmas and then he looked into the toy sack and picked out a book. He said Thank you and after he had told Grumpy Grandad where 5
he lived he went out of the Grotto looking very pleased. Grumpy Grandad was beginning to enjoy himself. He was actually starting to feel happy and glad that he had after all agreed to be Father Christmas until the real Father Christmas was well again. For a while everything went smoothly. The children came into the Grotto with their mum s and they were all very well behaved. No problems at all. Grumpy Grandad was smiling and when Crazy Grandma brought him in a cup of tea she felt happy too that Grumpy Grandad had managed to stop grumbling and was enjoying himself for once. But oh dear, I m afraid Grumpy Grandad feeling happy wasn t going to last much longer because in the queue outside waiting to see Father Christmas was the boy who lived across the road from Grumpy Grandad called Andrew and he was once of the naughtiest little boys you could ever wish to meet. Grumpy Grandad was always shouting at Andrew for doing naughty things like blocking the drains up with sand and pulling up his plants. Putting spiders through Grumpy Grandad s letterbox and chalking all over the walls of the house. Grumpy Grandad hated Andrew and Andrew hated Grumpy Grandad. The Grotto had closed for Father Christmas to have his dinner and after eating his dinner, Grumpy Grandad began to feel a little bit sleepy. I ve just got time to have a sleep before the Grotto opens up again he thought to himself. He settled back in his chair and soon fell fast asleep unaware that the Manager had opened up the Grotto again and the very next child into the Grotto was the awful Andrew. Andrew didn t want his mum taking him in to see Father Christmas; he was old enough to go in on his own. So his mum had gone to do some Christmas shopping while Andrew waited in the queue. He had been waiting for a long time and at last it was his turn to see Father Christmas. He walked into the Grotto but Father Christmas was still asleep and his beard had slipped down his chin. Well, as soon as Andrew looked at Father Christmas he realized straight away it was Grumpy Grandad dressed up. Now all the waiting had been worthwhile. Now was his chance to get his own back on Grumpy Grandad. 6
He pulled his chewing gum from out of his mouth and very gently pressed it around Grumpy Grandad s chin and over his mouth, being careful not to wake Grumpy Grandad up from his deep sleep as he stuck the beard back on his face. Then he tied Grumpy Grandad s shoelaces together. Now Andrew, being such an awful little boy, always carried stink bombs in his trouser pockets so wherever he went he could have some fun when he got fed up. He reached into his pocket and brought out two stink bombs and placed one in each side of Father Christmas s coat pockets. He stood back and grinned. Now what else can I do he thought to himself. He saw the sack of toys at the side of Grumpy Grandad and had a rummage through it. Dolls, paints, books, Lego. Andrew wasn t interested in any of these things. Then he spotted a huge black laser gun that lit up and made loud shooting noises with sparks coming from it. Andrew pulled it out of the toy sack and pointed it straight at Grumpy Grandad who was still fast asleep; unaware that awful Andrew was about to create havoc in the Grotto. Suddenly, all peace was shattered. A huge bang woke him up. Grumpy Grandad felt very shook up for a minute. He had forgotten where he was. Then he saw awful Andrew. Straight in front of him firing the laser gun at him. Well, what do you think Grumpy Grandad did? Yes, straight away he tried to grumble but because a all his mouth was stuck up with chewing gum, he couldn t get a word out. Andrew was laughing his head off and running round the Grotto still firing the laser gun at Grumpy Grandad. Grumpy Grandad stood up and tried to catch him, but oh dear, his shoelaces had been tied together and he fell down knocking over the lovely Christmas tree standing in the corner. Grumpy Grandad tried to stop it falling but couldn t and ended up lying on the floor with the broken Christmas tree on top of him. He pulled at his beard to try to take it off, but Andrew had stuck it on his face so well that he couldn t get it off. Grumpy Grandad went absolutely crazy. He couldn t shout because his mouth was stuck up. He couldn t get up because his feet were tied together. All he could do was to lie on the floor, and bang with his feet and hands until someone heard him. Meanwhile, awful Andrew was having the time of his life. He walked over to where Grumpy Grandad was laying on the floor, 7
red in the face and trembling with rage. Let me help you up he said. But instead of helping Grumpy Grandad onto his feet he bent over and banged the two pockets in Grumpy Grandad s coat to burst the two stink bombs. Then he pulled off Grumpy Grandad s beard. He pulled it so hard that the chewing gum that was stuck underneath pulled the skin off Grumpy Grandad s face. Grumpy Grandad yelled in pain, and the chewing gum that was sticking up his mouth came off. You little hooligan, who let you in here, wait till I catch you, I ll give you a good hiding Grumpy Grandad shouted, trembling with rage. Crazy Grandma who had been just outside the Grotto heard Grumpy Grandad shouting and came rushing in. What a shock she had. She could see Grumpy Grandad lying on the floor with the Christmas tree on top of him, red in the face with anger. She knew there was only one thing to calm him down and that was to throw a bucket full of cold water over him. She ran outside to fetch some water. The Manager had also heard all the shouting and so had all the children who had been waiting to see Father Christmas. Everyone was wondering what was happening. The Manager saw Crazy Grandma run out of the Grotto. Whatever was going on? He decided to go inside and find out. But as he entered the Grotto, a most dreadful smell, like rotten eggs and stale cabbage, made him feel sick. The stink bombs in Grumpy Grandad s pockets had now burst open and the disgusting smell was beginning to seep through the Grotto door and into the store where the children were all waiting. Andrew ran out of the Grotto when he saw the Manager and hid behind one of the Christmas trees laughing his head off Get me out of here Grumpy Grandad shouted at the Manager. The Manager could hardly breathe, the smell was so foul and Grumpy Grandad was choking and coughing. What a smell. With his handkerchief over his nose and mouth, he untied Grumpy Grandad s shoelaces and helped him to his feet. Whatever has happened? he spluttered. Where is he? shouted Grumpy Grandad wait till I get my hands on him and he pushed the Manager out of the way. But before he could do anything else, splash, Crazy Grandma had come running in and 8
threw a bucket full of cold water over him to calm him down. Poor Grumpy Grandad. Not only was he feeling sick and his face was bleeding from where the beard had been pulled off his face, but now Crazy Grandma had wet him through. You crazy old woman, what did you do that for? he shouted Because you re getting too angry and you ll make yourself ill said Crazy Grandma I feel ill already Grumpy Grandad yelled and raced outside. The Manager got to his feet and followed him out, but oh dear, the terrible smell now was everywhere as Grumpy Grandad ran around the store looking for awful Andrew. The children who had been waiting to see Father Christmas started to cry. They were frightened seeing Father Christmas running around soaking wet through, shouting and shaking his fists like a mad man. All the mothers hurried out of the shop with the children, warning everybody about a mad man dressed up a Father Christmas. But one little boy didn t hurry up a get out of the store, and that was naughty Andrew. He was still hiding behind the Christmas tree enjoying all the excitement he had caused. He couldn t stop laughing. The sight of Grumpy Grandad wet through and throwing a fit was one of the funniest things he had ever seen. There you are Andrew. He looked round, his mother had come looking for him when she had heard all the commotion. Whatever is going on, don t be frightened, there s no need to hide, its just Father Christmas having a bad day. Come on, let s get out of here it smells awful. She got hold of Andrew s hand and pulled him out from behind the Christmas tree. Well, when Grumpy Grandad suddenly saw Andrew appear from behind the Christmas tree, he started shaking with rage. He pushed everybody out of the way and ran over like a raging bull knocking over all the Christmas trees and decorations in his way. You little horror he shouted come here, I ll give you a Christmas present you ll never forget. Leave him alone, you lunatic shouted Andrew s mother you need locking up. She got hold of Andrew s hand and turned to walk away. But Grumpy Grandad wasn t going to leave him alone. Oh no, he hadn t finished until he had given naughty Andrew a good hiding. He ran after them, determined that Andrew wasn t going to get away. Everybody in the store was standing 9
watching and screwing up their noses as the foul smell from the stink bombs in Grumpy Grandad s pockets drifted everywhere. Down the escalator Andrew and his Mum went with Grumpy Grandad in hot pursuit. Get him away from us Andrew s mum screamed and whacked Grumpy Grandad hard with her umbrella. Grumpy Grandad slipped and fell down the escalator, landing flat on his face at the bottom. Crazy Grandma who had been running after them ran to help him up but before she could, two policemen came running into the store and grabbed. Let me go, shouted Grumpy Grandad as the two policemen frogmarched him through the store and into the police car waiting outside. As the crowds gathered round, the police car sped away, leaving Crazy Grandma standing all-alone in tears. Oh dear, whatever was going to happen to Grumpy Grandad? She had only wanted a bit of extra money to buy some presents and now it looked as if Grumpy Grandad would be locked up in prison for Christmas. She went back into the store; she didn t know what to do. But the Manager, who was a really kind man, had seen Crazy Grandma crying and felt sorry for her. He went over to her and told her not to worry he would send for a Taxi to take her home and to Crazy Grandma s delight he pressed a bundle of 10 notes into her hand. The Manager told her, that although Grumpy Grandad dressing up as Father Christmas had been a disaster, a lot more people had come into the store to see what all the commotion was about and he had sold a lot more things, so he was really pleased with all his sales that day. But he told Crazy Grandma it would be best if Grumpy Grandad never came back into his store again. Crazy Grandma told the Manager that she knew for certain that Grumpy Grandad would never ever want to come back into the store anyway. She put the money into her handbag and got into the Taxi. She counted the 10 notes and felt very pleased. Things hadn t turned out too badly after all. She had enough money to buy the Christmas presents she needed and she might even have enough money left over to buy a new winter coat. She couldn t stop worrying about Grumpy Grandad though. Whatever was going to happen now? Would he be able to come home for 10
Christmas or would he be locked up in jail? But she needn t have worried. The taxi took her home and as she opened the door, who do you think was sitting in the chair watching the television? Yes, it was Grumpy Grandad. The policemen had taken him home because he smelt so bad he was making them feel ill and they were glad to get rid of him. They had made him promise that he must never pretend to be Father Christmas again or he would be in serious trouble. Grumpy Grandad was only too pleased to agree. He didn t ever want to pretend to be Father Christmas again. He was just happy to be able to have a bath and relax in front of the television. Crazy Grandma was really pleased to see him and when she showed him how much money the store Manager had paid him Grumpy Grandad felt happy as well. He soon forgot about the dreadful day he had had and started to think about the delicious Christmas dinner that Crazy Grandma had promised to cook if they got some extra money. So everything turned out all right. Crazy Grandma bought the Xmas presents she needed and cooked a delicious Christmas dinner followed by Christmas pudding. The best dinner they had eaten for years. But the best Christmas present of all was when awful Andrew knocked on the door on Christmas Day and told Grumpy Grandad how sorry he was for all the trouble he had caused and promised he would never do anything else to upset Grumpy Grandad again. Grumpy Grandad smiled and settled back down in his chair to watch the television. He felt really happy. This had turned out to be a really good Christmas after all. 11