Non-Violent Communication (NVC)

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Cory Nelson
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Non-Violent Communication (NVC) Compassionate Communication A Language of Life Create your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with

1 Non-Violent Communication (NVC) Compassionate Communication A Language of Life Create your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values Based on the Book by Marshall B Rosenberg, Ph.D. Presented by Holly Hume, Community Futures Boundary Workshop Facilitator & Case Manager

2 Icebreaker Choose 1 feeling and 1 need card from the back table. Introduce your first name, then share your feeling and need. For example, I m feeling because I have a need for. OR I m feeling because my need for is/isn t being met.

3 Where did NVC come from? Marshall Rosenberg developed based on 2 questions he developed early in life: 1. What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively? 2. And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?

4 These questions led to: Developing a specific approach to communicating-speaking & listening-that leads us to give from the heart. NVC can replace old patterns of defending, withdrawing, or attacking in the face of judgement or criticism. We come to perceive ourselves and others as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light.

5 Teaches Deep Listening Through NVC s emphasis on deep listening-to ourselves as well as others-nvc fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.

6 NVC s purpose is to: create human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving.

7 What is NVC? NVC is a clear and effective model for communicating in a way that is cooperative, conscious, and compassionate. These skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others, as well as how to contribute to relationships.

Power With instead of Power Over NVC involves both communication skills that foster compassionate relating and consciousness of the interdependence of our well being and

8 Power With instead of Power Over NVC involves both communication skills that foster compassionate relating and consciousness of the interdependence of our well being and using power with others to work together to meet the needs of all concerned. A major key to NVC is having patience with ourselves in the process of learning a new language.

9 More about NVC This approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment.

More on what NVC is In other words, NVC is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is NOT about getting people to do what we want.

10 More on what NVC is In other words, NVC is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is NOT about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone s needs met through compassionate giving. 10 min video: watch?v=-dpk5z7gifs

11 4 Components of NVC Process:

12 Observations The facts we are observing that are affecting our well being Separates observation (facts) from interpretation. When we combine the two, people are apt to hear criticism and resist what we are saying. Names specific behaviours, not generalizations.

13 How we feel in relation to what we are observing Distinguish between what we feel and what we think Distinguish between what we feel and how we think others will react or behave toward us Feelings

14 Needs/Values The needs, values, desires creating our feelings What others do may be the stimulus for our feelings but not the cause Needs are at the root of feelings Judgement & interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our own needs/values If we express our needs, we have a better chance of getting them met Difference between needs and strategies Strategies are the how to meet the need In our society/culture we have been brought up to believe we shouldn t have any needs (it s seen as selfish) Needs are life force/innate in every human and are universal

15 Requests The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives Use positive, clear, concrete language-what we want, not what we don t want Vague language contributes to confusion Requests vs demands: demands have a very high cost and no joy for both parties

16 2 Parts of NVC 1. Expressing honestly through the 4 components 2. Listening/ receiving empathetically through the 4 components

17 Grok Game: Let s try it! Take 5 feelings and 5 needs cards Someone in your group volunteers to describe a situation Take turns guessing 1 feeling and 1 need they might be experiencing and the volunteer confirms/not

Reflections-Group Work How does NVC (Nonviolent communication) differ from the way we often communicate? Or the way we ve been taught as a culture? How could NVC be used in our lives and our society?

18 Reflections-Group Work How does NVC (Nonviolent communication) differ from the way we often communicate? Or the way we ve been taught as a culture? How could NVC be used in our lives and our society? What happens when people do what we want them to do out of fear, guilt, or shame? When people associate us with these feelings (fear, etc.) what is likely to happen in the future? How could NVC be used in or benefit our organizations?

19 Activity-Using the 4 Components Choose a situation you d like to work through using NVC With a partner: Describe the situation. Use the 4 components worksheet to create a statement.

Resources & Next Steps http://www.nonviolentcom munication.com/index.htm http://www.cnvc.

20 Resources & Next Steps munication.com/index.htm Numerous videos on YouTube Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Interested in facilitating a 10 part NVC workshop series? Take a training Order the Workbook

Embodying NVC Consciousness

Embodying NVC Consciousness If you have learned nvc and want to live it more fully in your life... Imagine spending 5 glorious days totally immersed in NVC in a beautiful serene location! Every day you